Navigating Habits with ADHD

Can individuals with ADHD form habits, or is it an impossible task? Learn how to debunk this myth as we dive into the intricacies of habit formation for those with ADHD in this eye-opening episode of Hypercast. This week, we tackle the widespread misconception that people with ADHD can't develop habits. While habit formation is indeed more challenging for ADHDers, it's far from unattainable. We explain how life simplification strategies are often the key to success and why understanding personal needs is more crucial than relying solely on willpower.

Stay tuned as we explore actionable strategies to help those with ADHD not just form but maintain habits effectively. Discover the power of pairing mundane tasks with enjoyable activities to supercharge motivation and how blunt reminders and visual cues can make habits stick. We delve into the importance of remembering the reasons behind our goals and utilizing organizational tips. Join us for this comprehensive guide to mastering habits, even with ADHD.

Melissa's Contact:
Email: melissa@likemindcoaching.com
www.likemindcoaching.com

Brianna's Contact:
Email: info@understandingadhd.ca
www.understandingADHD.ca

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Chapters

• 0:00 ADHD Habits and Misconceptions
• 13:24 Forming and Maintaining ADHD Habits

Transcript

Melissa: 0:00

Hi, there you're listening to Hypercast, an ADHD podcast. I'm Melissa, an ADHD coach and advocate.

Brianna: 0:08

Hi, I'm Brianna, an ADHD coach and soon-to-be therapist. We are here to explore all things ADHD from unexpected challenges to unique strengths.

Melissa: 0:16

Join us as we share insights and strategies that empower you to live your best ADHD life.

Brianna: 0:21

Ready? Let's dive into today's episode.

Melissa: 0:30

Hi, welcome to the podcast. We're really excited to have you back with us today.

Brianna: 0:35

Welcome to the podcast.

Melissa: 0:36

We're so happy to have you here Today. We're going to talk about ADHD and habits. Oh wait, wait. Before we move along about ADHD and habits, oh wait, wait, Before we move along, we are announcing something new that we are calling Hypercast Sidequests. These are bonus episodes where we dive into all the fun and interesting tangents from our regular shows. Stay tuned for Hypercast Sidequests. Okay, back to today's topic habits. Okay, back to today's topic, habits. Recently, on ADHD boards, someone has brought up a topic, and that topic is that people with ADHD cannot form habits, and that leads to a bunch of replies and all of those people are saying things like yes, we are broken because we have ADHD. We can't adult because we have ADHD. Why do we even try? Because we have ADHD. And that breaks something inside of my soul and I really wanted to talk about this topic. So maybe these things won't keep coming up. The fact is that we, as people with ADHD, can create habits. It is much more difficult for us and we may need some different motivating factors.

Brianna: 1:49

Yeah, the habits are very important, because I have seen discourse around this as well and I have seen the same things that you've seen we can't form habits, and it's a half truth. So it's that situation of oh, adhd, people can't form habits in this specific way. And look at all the other ways that we can form habits, and how amazing it would be if, like that, information was actually presented instead of this clickbait title of we can't form habits, everyone die and suffer alone because we're never going to be successful adult human beings, which is not true. There's always a way to look at it. That doesn't mean we're doom and gloom.

Melissa: 2:27

Since this is all over the internet now, is this technically misinformation? Are there things that we can clarify for the community?

Brianna: 2:34

But, yeah, the misconceptions. It's hard out there because you think you're finding sources of information about stuff and even then the medical community and the research communities will pick up this discourse and do research on it and be like, yeah, they can't form habits, but notoriously reading research documents is quite difficult to decipher. So, uh, they did this study with adhd and basically they found that, uh, adhd habit formation was not linked to motivation, which is what neurotypical. So when they say you can't form habits or whatever, you can't form motivational based habits, okay, because we lack dopamine, which is the reward neurochemical. We cannot form habits based on motivation because we never get that reward chemical from doing small tasks, which is why a lot of us tend to be thrill seekers, because the bigger the thrill, the more likely it is that we're going to get dopamine. So we don't get dopamine from things like brushing our teeth or sending an email, like a neurotypical person would. So they can do motivation-based habit formation, whereas we do not do that is it?

Brianna: 3:53

interest-based.

Melissa: 3:54

No, maybe because you're not interested in brushing your teeth well, unless you have an interest or motivation to brush your teeth. Like I don't want to pay extra money to get more dental work done or I'm afraid of the dentist, so I'm going to take very lovely care of my teeth, or I like the way my clean teeth feel.

Brianna: 4:20

People with ADHD often have a hard time thinking about long-term consequences, people with ADHD being like oh there will be consequences if I don't do this habit harder. It seems to be more of a ritual or like is before bed, it's the structure of going to bed so I can transition through tasks easier. So it's not necessarily interest-based, but it's life simplification based. The habit of getting up and getting dressed and brushing your teeth and eating breakfast and getting out the door where for a neurotypical person that would be like a mindless activity. That's just, you do all that by habit and doesn't require any energy. For us it's the least effortful way of accomplishing the tasks we need to in a day. Specifically that the link between motivational control and ADHD symptomology was limited due to compensatory mechanisms. So ADHD people compensate for their lack of motivation in order to do goal-directed behavior.

Melissa: 5:38

So what you're saying is, some of the information from that study was taken out of context and has been spread and used in ways that aren't 100% correct. Exactly Okay.

Brianna: 5:51

Someone half understood what they read and ran with it.

Melissa: 5:55

And now it's become a truth in the ADHD community. I quote, unquote truth.

Brianna: 5:59

It's been bastardized. So obviously the first person who found this information was like oh, the world needs to know that we form habits differently and we shouldn't be forcing ourselves to do these habits. Obviously, the intention was good to get that information out there, and then it just snowballed into a situation that's now causing suffering rather than enlightenment.

Melissa: 6:19

It's important that we give ourselves grace so we can understand ourselves and our own personal needs when it comes to forming those habits.

Brianna: 6:30

Exactly Like hearing things like oh, I just need to get motivated, or I just need to motivate myself more to do this and then I'll do. It isn't gonna work, but there are strategies that do work.

Melissa: 6:42

You're just making me want to ask this question. If you were to boil down all of the information we're talking about into a strategy to form habits for someone with ADHD, what would you say?

Brianna: 6:56

Throw out all your self-help books that say willpower is what you need and focus on importance rather than willpower. Don't do anything because someone else said you should Do it because it's important to you.

Melissa: 7:14

Yeah, so maybe the important thing to do is to figure out the why and go from there.

Brianna: 7:20

Yeah, I mean. The bottom line is like motivation, willpower, consistency. You're not adhd, just can't do that, which is why why there's all that belief around can't form habits, but we can, as long as we're relying on flexibility rather than consistency, and importance rather than motivation, and like external or external motivation rather than internal motivation, and importance rather than willpower. So, all of the steps that all the self-help books throw those out. Replace them with the ADHD friendly ones. You'll have a much better time.

Melissa: 7:59

Yeah, I just spent the last couple of years trying to figure out what it means for me, as someone with ADHD, to consistently work out. I have never been successful in the past. I don't like going to a gym. When I'm surrounded by people, I find it really distracting. So I had to find a way to work out at home, and that meant figuring out what equipment I needed, what was feasible, how much time I could dedicate, and I started doing exercise programs that were two weeks long. So even if I didn't do every single day, if that two weeks took two and a half weeks, like it was something to celebrate. What a great tip.

Brianna: 8:37

Break it down. See, oh, there's an end date. Specifically with this program and the skills I'll learn in this program, I'll be able to see faster than overall muscle improvement. Right, You'd be like, oh, I took a class on underwater pogo jumping or whatever, and now you can jump on a pogo. Underwater novelty, excitement, actual reward that's the thing our little brain needs. It can't just be eventually, this will be better. It needs to be now. So how can we make now while we wait for eventually?

Melissa: 9:05

So people with ADHD can form habits.

Brianna: 9:08

Want to know how, want to know all the pro tips that I can give you. Right, I've got a whole list of them ready. Yes, Okay. So externalize motivation. So things like body doubles, visual clocks, like those water bottles that have throughout the day like 9 pm You're doing great, Go on, Drink me, Drink me. Any kind of visual reminders around tasks. External motivation external visualization Great, drink me, drink me. Any kind of visual reminders around tasks external motivation external visualization Great. Next one Motivation does not work. You know what does Momentum?

Melissa: 9:38

Oh, that's a great word.

Brianna: 9:39

Best friend as ADHD. I love it. So the habit stacking that I want to briefly explain here is if you're already doing something, you might as well just keep going, and that works for everything with ADHD. So if you're like already at the gym, well, I might as well lift this dumbbell or I might as well do this exercise, then you end up at the gym for three hours because you're having so much fun and time has passed, whoops.

Brianna: 10:05

But like that type of thing like, oh, if I'm already eating breakfast, I might as well have a piece of fruit, eat a little bit healthier. Or I'm already getting dressed in my pajamas, I might as well brush my teeth at the same time. So like that habit stacking where there's a trigger that triggers the habit. Amazing, that's what you need. So momentum is your friend. Motivation is not. Hang on, I got more on my list. I'll close my mouth. I'll try to close my mouth. So doing something that's already fun, something that you already do, that's we're talking about. Like habits stacking, information, things like that. So if you already love music, I'm gonna put on music and it's gonna motivate me. Motivate me to keep going, because there's something I already love happening and, and now that association with the, I love this music.

Melissa: 10:58

I love this task. Right, I like that. How many thoughts Am I allowed to talk now? Yes, oh, I'm so excited. Okay, I work from home and often I will do my work in the kitchens. I'm like, since I'm already in the kitchen, I might as well grab something to eat, because it can be so hard for us, when we get like really focused, to remember to do those things and to take care of ourselves.

Brianna: 11:16

That's another one of the tips change your location. So, if you want to have it to continue, make there be a habit location. So that's why people go to the gym. Right, Because now you're at the gym, you might as well exercise. But if you don't want to go to the gym because it's overstimulating which we totally get as ADHDers making a little corner in your house, be like oh, I'm already near this corner, I might as well do my stretching or do a little bit of exercise while I'm here. Right, You're already in that place. That place is a visual reminder, that place is a visual trigger. It's already the habit. Stacking, already the momentum. Because you're walking by it Might as well lift up the weights a few times. Right, Doesn't have to be this big old thing. That's the other thing. Don't try and stack too much because you don't want to take on too much too quickly, that type of thing.

Melissa: 12:11

Start slow because if we're really excited and gung-ho to try to take on this whole, I'm going to be a habit machine. Try not to do all of the things and create all of the new habits at once. So start slow and work new things into your daily systems and daily routines, Exactly Because you'll get overwhelmed and then you won't do it.

Brianna: 12:27

Yeah Right, you'll be like, oh, I have all this energy to start all these things and now I've taken on too much, and now I can't maintain this because I didn't actually think through what adding six instruments and four languages and volunteering at the animal shelter you didn't realize how much work that was.

Melissa: 12:42

Because you're like oh, I want to do one or two things at a time instead of all of the things at once. The other thing I was going to say prioritize. So what are the things that you either really want or really need to put in place? Are there certain things in your life that are necessary to make a big change and shift for you, or is there something you're personally, like, really excited about? Those are the things I would probably start with. Yeah, absolutely.

Brianna: 13:11

Excitement is one of the things that motivate. Internal motivation exists. For people with ADHD it's just harder to find. And excitement, novelty, urgency, that's the things that create that internal motivation. So if you're really excited to start something, that's going to help you start that task, and on the flip side of that, the boredom or the lack of motivation like that's going to make it way, way harder to start that task. So if you're trying to start a task, you're like, oh, I should eat healthier. But if you're trying to do that and it's boring or it's not interesting to you or there's no sparkle or there's no joy, you're not going to be able to motivate yourself, right? So you need that, that enjoyment.

Melissa: 13:52

And sometimes that may mean finding out what makes things sparkle for you. Like you were saying, music could be one of those things.

Brianna: 13:59

Yeah.

Melissa: 14:00

Yeah.

Brianna: 14:01

Yeah, if you're trying to do a task that you do have to do and it's just not interesting, pair it with something that is interesting.

Melissa: 14:08

Yes, yes, so I think we've covered the best ways to form and maintain habits.

Brianna: 14:17

I have a few more, oh sure, Give me a few more Blunt reminders. Visual reminders.

Melissa: 14:24

What is a blunt reminder?

Brianna: 14:27

Nothing subtle. Adhders don't do subtlety. Let me give you an example. There was a tiktok video I saw recently where the person was trying to remember to take their bag with them as they left out the door. Right, I need to form a habit of bringing my bag with me. So they put their bag on the floor next to the door, forgot it. They put their bag on a floor next to the door, forgot it. They put their bag on a hook like eye level next to the door. They forgot it. They put a hook on their door where they could put their bag, where it blocked the handle for them to get out of the house. That's what I mean by blunt. Yes, now you have to do this habit of taking your bag because you literally cannot get out the door. So sometimes that's what you need. You need that level of blunt in order to get your habit formation happening.

Melissa: 15:22

And what's the rest of your list?

Brianna: 15:24

I don't know accept failure, which is hard for us people with ADHD that rejection sensitivity If we're not good at it right away, then we're not going to keep doing it. I know that from personal experience. There are many things. Well, I'm not immediately good, so I don't want to try, I'm just going to give up. Really having to check in with myself. Remember the why of why I want to do this in the first place. Remember why it's important to me to be able to push through that. I'm not going to be perfect the first time, and I don't have to be perfect the first time.

Brianna: 15:58

Get organized is another one. So another mistake that I've seen a lot of ADHDers make is they want to start a habit and they've paired the habit with, like the executive functioning. That is hard and we hate so like planning to do the activity, deciding what activity, when, where, creating the structure around the activity. So now there's this huge hump of energy that they have to overcome in order to do the activity or the habit, which could be really fun or really enjoyable or really beneficial. But now there's all this planning and executive funching, heavy tasks that have to come before the habit, and when you pair those, it's the opposite of pairing a hard thing with something fun. It's pairing something fun with something hard and now you're not going to do it. So if you get organized to do the habit separately from doing the habit, that'll help out.

Melissa: 16:54

Is there a way for us to remember the why that you can think of? I love this, I love the remember the why, but I'm thinking of ways for myself. Do I print it out really big and put it on my bathroom mirror, or do I have a token that reminds me of why I mean?

Brianna: 17:10

both of those are great. Adhd people are very visual. So, yeah, I've seen post-it notes, I've seen pictures. I've seen motivational boards there's like inspo boards that people have. I've seen people with like t-shirts, statues, art, big old motivational words on walls. I've seen people like paint, like in their home gym, like paint the reason why they're doing this. Instead of visualizing, like putting on your calendar time to go to the gym, put on your calendar like time to get healthy, maybe OK, something like that. Just put the why into the places where you're remembering to do the task, whatever it means for you to put that hook.

Melissa: 17:50

So so your bag is blocking the way out of the door, exactly.

Brianna: 17:53

Your why should be attached to your triggers. Yeah, is realistically where it should be. If you're being triggered to do that thing, the why should be there. So one thing. Can I finish my list?

Melissa: 18:04

There's more on the list, okay.

Brianna: 18:07

I have so much, so much so there's more on the list. Okay, I have so much, so much so. Limiting choices, removing obstacles, designing a space. So I know that tasking is really difficult if I have to clean up that space before I can do that task. If my gym mat and whatever is left dirty, I'm not going to want to do it because now there's a barrier. So, designing your space, removing the obstacles, limiting your choices, organizing ahead of time, then the last one on the list is reward your new behavior, because our brain don't reward us.

Brianna: 18:52

Store-bought reward is fine, right? We don't have natural reward in our brain. Our dopamine is lower. It's not natural. Store-bought is fine. You get that sticker chart, you get that coffee, you get that cookie, you get a bubble bath coffee with a friend, anything that helps you cement that habit, external rewards, external motivation it's not natural. Store-bought is fine. And I believe that is the end of my list. Oh, oh, I like this one too. It adopt an experimental mindset when changing your habits. Oh, I actually love that I.

Brianna: 19:25

It's gamifying and an exploration and fun yeah, and I think we were talking with someone who said the same thing of like, when they're working with kiddos, in particular, trying to get them to change and telling them what to do. Oh, as an adhd-er, you tell me what to do. I'm never gonna do. I'm actually gonna do the opposite. Yeah, absolutely. Hey. What if we tried? Wouldn't it be fun to do an experiment? I wonder what would happen if we did this that's all the dopamine all day long.

Melissa: 19:56

Yeah, that got my heart fluttering I'm so excited, what?

Brianna: 20:00

yes?

Melissa: 20:00

especially those who are very curious or love to learn that sorry.

Brianna: 20:04

I guess I wasn't done with my list. I am now I'm.

Melissa: 20:08

Is there anything sage-like that you feel like we need to add?

Brianna: 20:12

Yeah, lose the judgments, I guess. Lose the expectations of society. Don't try and do things the way everyone else is doing them. Do it your own way, yeah. So that's my sage advice Ignore the judgment. If it works for you, then it's amazing and it's perfect because it works for you. It doesn't have to work for anyone else, it doesn't have to be the way that everyone else is doing it. And don't forget to celebrate yourself as well. That's the other sage advice. I think we brushed over the reward yourself way too quickly. Literally, our brains aren't designed to do that. That's the difference that our brains are. The dopamine is low. Something is going on with the dopamine. We don't have enough of it. We don't get that reward chemical pathway signal activation often enough.

Melissa: 20:59

So store-bought is fine, and you said store-bought is fine. But something else that may work is sometimes I just reward myself with like a five-minute dance party. I just turn on some music and I just dance for five minutes and I put on do not disturb. That way I have no like incoming messages. It's only five minutes, but it's my time and and yeah, that's exactly what you need.

Brianna: 21:20

You need to anchor the win, you need to anchor the habit, you need to anchor it in something that is enjoyable, that you love, and remove the judgment about that. A five-minute dance party is amazing, and don't let anyone tell you that that is not the reward you should be like. Oh well, you can't put on deodorant without a five-minute dance party. Have you ever tried a five-minute dance party? I bet you would find putting on deodorant would be more fun.

Melissa: 21:45

Yeah, because a five-minute dance party for putting on deodorant is awesome.

Brianna: 21:49

Testing if the deodorant works. Yes See, very practical. Adhders can form habits. We just have to do it differently. There is hope we can.

Melissa: 21:59

Adult we're going to be just fine, we're going to be just fine. Well, with all of that sage advice, I think that brings our podcast episode to a close. Brianna, what's our next episode about ADHD and emotions.

Brianna: 22:16

We will be talking about emotion dysregulation. What happens when we're dysregulated? How to get regulated.

Melissa: 22:26

Yeah, all that kind of stuff Awesome. If you enjoyed today's show, please share our episode with a friend, thanks, bye. Thanks for joining us on this episode of Hypercast, if you've enjoyed today's episode and want to stay connected.

Brianna: 22:40

be sure to rate and subscribe, and check out the show notes for links to our social media and websites.

Melissa: 22:45

Whether you're seeking practical tips, heartfelt stories or just a sense of community, hypercast is here for you.

Brianna: 22:51

Remember you're not alone in your ADHD journey. Together, we can navigate the highs and lows with courage and compassion.

Melissa: 22:58

So until next time, take care, stay curious and keep embracing your unique neurodiversity. Catch you on the next episode of.

Brianna: 23:06

Hypercast.