Overcoming ADHD Paralysis: Real Strategies That Work

Feel like even the simplest tasks become insurmountable challenges? Brianna and Melissa have been there. On this episode of Hypercast, they open up about their experiences with ADHD paralysis, sharing the real struggle of taking out the trash or making appointments. Join us as we delve into the mental roadblocks that hold us back and discover why traditional productivity tips just don't work for ADHD brains. Most importantly, we'll explore unique strategies to help you conquer those daily obstacles.

Melissa's Contact:
Email: melissa@likemindcoaching.com
www.likemindcoaching.com

Brianna's Contact:
Email: info@understandingadhd.ca
www.understandingADHD.ca

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Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding ADHD Paralysis and Hyperfocus
• 10:43 Personalizing ADHD Hacks for Success
• 22:13 ADHD Hacks and Personalization

Transcript

Melissa: 0:00

Hi, there you're listening to Hypercast, an ADHD podcast. I'm Melissa, an ADHD coach and advocate.

Brianna: 0:08

Hi, I'm Brianna, an ADHD coach and soon-to-be therapist. We are here to explore all things ADHD from unexpected challenges to unique strengths.

Melissa: 0:16

Join us as we share insights and strategies that empower you to live your best ADHD life.

Brianna: 0:21

Ready? Let's dive into today's episode to ADHD life Ready.

Melissa: 0:29

Let's dive into today's episode. Welcome to Hypercast. Welcome to Hypercast. Today's topic is ADHD paralysis. This is something all of us people with ADHD encounter. We may not have the actual terminology for it, but let's get started and have Brianna explain why this is important and what exactly ADHD paralysis is.

Brianna: 0:48

Absolutely. Adhd paralysis is a thing that happens in our brains that disallows us from doing what we want to do take out the trash, get up and go for work or for brunch with your friends, whatever it is. There is something in your brain that is saying I need to be doom scrolling right now, and it looks on the outside like you're lazy, like you're unmotivated, like you're not trying hard enough, which are all of the microaggressions that make me feel like crap as a person with ADHD.

Brianna: 1:27

Make me feel like crap as a person with ADHD because inside my brain it is on fire, it is screaming at me. Why are you so lazy? Why don't you get up? Why can't you do this? It's so easy. Just stand up, just do the thing, just do the task. It would take you five minutes. Why are you doing this? And then, six hours later, I feel atrocious because I haven't eaten, drank any water, gone, pee, breathed. Really All my muscles are tight and I still haven't done the five minute task of emptying the dishwasher or whatever it is.

Melissa: 1:52

It always seems to be that one task that holds the rest of the day hostage, or the rest of the tasks you need to complete hostage, and it is. It's baffling, because then later you go do that task and it takes you five minutes and then you go. Why was I so concerned? Why did it destroy an entire day?

Brianna: 2:09

And it's infuriating, I'm not going to lie, it is so infuriating, and oftentimes it's a task that we are avoiding, not because it's hard, but because it doesn't provide us with enough dopamine for us to overcome that barrier and do the task. Because we function on momentum, not motivation. So if we can start with a small task and build our way up, we're more likely to just be able to continue that momentum. So that advice that's always oh, just get the hardest thing out of the way first, isn't going to work for us. We get stuck, or I've also been put in ADHD paralysis if I'm in wait mode.

Melissa: 2:50

Say.

Brianna: 2:51

I have an appointment 2 pm and I could be doing so much stuff with my day, but I can't because I have to hyper focus on not being late for my two o'clock appointment. And then all of that time slips by and I'm still somehow late.

Melissa: 3:04

I swear. Every time I'm late, there's this thing in my head that's oh, here it goes again. You're late again. Congratulations, it's all your fault. I'm going to say something controversial. I think a lot of ADHD hacks are complete crap, especially ones that talk about task initiation.

Brianna: 3:23

That's because they're made by people without ADHD. They're using neurotypical hacks that don't work for our brains and they're like, yeah, just do this, and I'm like no. And you can clearly see the difference between a hack that is made by a neurotypical and one that's like with someone with ADHD. And the ones with ADHD are like why can't you run the dishwasher dishwasher twice, why can't stand at the fridge and eat the ingredients for a sandwich instead of making the sandwich? It's very evident that it's like what is the way that you can do the thing, get fuel into your body or whatever it is that needs to be done with the least amount of energy and task management and organization and structure possible, whereas like a neurotypical hack will be like have you tried journaling?

Melissa: 4:10

Yeah, I have 16 of them, thanks. And the thing is, when someone says you should have a planner or a journal, and you actually see someone who has ADHD that is successful using these techniques, it is not in a way that a neurotypical uses those techniques. It's that those people with ADHD have found a way to use that schedule or that journal in a way that works for their brain specifically. Exactly, I love hearing things like to get things done, make a list. I'm like, okay, that's great, I've made my list, but that doesn't mean that I have any desire to get started on the tasks that are on this damn list.

Brianna: 5:26

It's not an issue of knowing, it's an issue of doing. Our brains do not have enough dopamine. I've said this multiple times. There's something they do the cost evaluation. They're like, okay, how much energy will this take, how much time will this take me? And then they're like, yep, I'm going to get something at the end of this. I'm going to anticipate this reward, which already we're done. First of all, cost evaluation for us is much higher. There are the huge costs, and then anticipating the reward. We don't function with rewards. We can't really perceive time, so a future reward isn't going to be motivating for us. And then they start the task. Excuse me, what do you mean? You start the task? That is not a thing. They just start. I don't understand the neurotypicals and then they finish the task and they get the reward and they feel great because there's dopamine. They finish the task and I'm talking things like they did their taxes, they unloaded the dishwasher. Those tasks do not give dopamine for ADHD brains.

Melissa: 6:21

The only feeling I get when I complete my taxes. If it feels good, it's because it is a damn relief that I finished my taxes on time and I'm excited about that I'm not going to be penalized for it and then there's a sense of relief. That is what I feel.

Brianna: 6:36

Yeah, it's more relief and it's not even like what I would say is. It's more of a relief that you no longer have to have those negative thoughts in your head of why can't I do this. This is always on my mind and it always being on your mind is taking up energy, like I can't forget to do my task. Taxes I have to do my taxes. I meant to do them yesterday. Now I feel shame and guilt around not doing that. Now I'm gonna have to do it today. And that's the feeling of relief that it's not dopamine, it's not a reward, it's not I feel good for doing this, it's I get to no longer feel bad about not having done this, it's taking that anxiety element off the table.

Melissa: 7:09

Yeah, yeah.

Brianna: 7:11

So it's not a good feeling. It's not worth doing the task for beyond reducing that stress and that self-hatred, it doesn't make me feel happy.

Melissa: 7:23

And it's not always healthy for anxiety to be your only motivating factor, to shove you and push you into completing tasks.

Brianna: 7:32

Yeah, I'm going to go so far as to say it's rarely healthy.

Brianna: 7:36

I understand those moments where it's I really want to do well on this test and there's a little bit of anxiety that helps you perform better. Or there is some big consequence that is making me do a little bit better. That helps you perform better, or there is some big consequence that is making me do a little bit better. We live in extremes with ADHD. There's either paralysis, where we're doing nothing and being perceived as lazy and worthless and unproductive. On the flip side, there's hyper focus, where all of a sudden we get twice the amount of work done in half the amount of time. Everyone thinks we're amazing, but it's not worth cost right, because we still don't get that reward. We've just spent huge amounts of energy not really taking care of personal needs like eating or drinking or sleeping, so it seems like we're super productive and getting a lot done and we're praised for this and that praise is part of the reward that is reinforcing for that cycle as an aside, hyperocus can be really amazing sometimes.

Melissa: 8:26

But, like you're saying, what are you sacrificing? Yeah?

Brianna: 8:29

Our brains don't have enough dopamine, so whatever dopamine we get from the task isn't enough to trigger that reward pathway, whereas in a neurotypical it is. So either we do nothing and feel bad about it, or we do everything and feel bad about it, or we do everything and feel bad about it, which again fits into the black and white all or nothing, ADHD. That is just our daily lives.

Melissa: 8:49

And when you put all your resources into that hyper-focus, the amount of recovery that is necessary to recover from it can be extensive. I know when I've gone all out and put everything into something it can take me a day or two, or sometimes a week, or God forbid, I get sick in the midst of it. Then that can take me even longer to recover from a long cycle of hyperfocus.

Brianna: 9:13

Well, that would be ADHD burnout that you're discussing right now. When you flip back and forth between these cycles of paralysis and hyperfocus and none of that is taking care of you or finding balance. We go into this burnout mode because we were so productive for so long with our hyperfocus and not doing anything else. All of a sudden our body's like stop and that's when we can get sick or can suffer like mental repercussions, like brain fog or fatigue. There's just so many physical symptoms of burnout and burnout can happen to anyone, but it happens more often for people with ADHD, people with autism.

Melissa: 9:50

If I were listening to this podcast right now, I would be saying to myself great, what the hell can we do about it?

Brianna: 9:57

Well, melissa, you and I just so happen to be ADHD coaches and we happen to have some hacks, but not neurotypical hacks, ones that actually work for our brains. Promise, shall we talk about pomodoro?

Melissa: 10:14

habit stacking, I have, I have unique ones, okay.

Brianna: 10:18

I love unique because, realistically, pomodoro, habit stacking, you have to make it your own. That's the point and that's what actually happens with individual sessions of ADHD coaching, because you can find Pomodoro and habit stacking on the internet and you can try and make it work for yourself. But there's always that little bit of a modification because we're not standard, we don't fit into the box. So whatever it is, you have to make it work for you. So Pomodoro, for example, is like 20 minutes of focus, five minutes of break. But it's supposed to be this you can do anything for five minutes, right, like you can try, and if you hate it then you can quit, type of thing. And then what happens is it's that ADHD momentum that allows us to continue, right. The same thing with habit stacking is like you're already doing a thing, why not just add one more thing onto it? Because it's the momentum that's allowing you to move forward. But that's the hack. It's momentum, and then these structures that other people have built around it you can adapt for you.

Melissa: 11:16

Can we talk about some pitfalls of these two very popular hacks and then maybe talk about individualizing them?

Brianna: 11:22

Yeah, for me personally, pomodoro I love and I hate it.

Brianna: 11:26

I'm the same way. I understand that. It's the momentum that's keeping you going and I really like the idea of if you really hate it, you can quit. But that's not the case, right? If you really have to do something, you know that you can't just quit it. So it doesn't really work. Also, I like to work until I'm done.

Brianna: 11:45

For example, if I'm writing a paper or whatever, I have little sections. So if the timer went off for my break in the middle of my section, it would interrupt my thought. I wouldn't be able to finish my section. It would take me a long time to restart that section, rethink about what I was thinking about. So I don't like that aspect of it. I will just break it up into, like my paper, into enough sections. So when I'm done a section, I'll take a break and then I'll start on the next section and then I don't have to like restart or rethink about what I was writing. And it's not interrupting me in the middle of a sentence, because I get super mad when I get interrupted in the middle of a thought because it took me so long to find that thought and start that thought and I don't want to be interrupted. That's why I love hate Pomodoro.

Melissa: 12:29

I feel like Pomodoro can not just disrupt, but it may force you into making a shift that you're not prepared to make. And since we have a lot of problems with transition, if I'm in the middle of something, I don't want to lose it mentally and because of our working memory, sometimes it's not the most effective strategy. I do like your thought of breaking something up. I actually will challenge myself. My version of Pomodoro is okay. Can I get this part done in 30 minutes? And even if my alarm goes off, I'm probably going to get it done faster than I would have if I just didn't set any timer whatsoever.

Brianna: 13:06

Yeah, it's that challenge aspect that you're talking about. Yeah, I absolutely love that. I wonder how long it will take me to do this and can I do it before the timer beeps or whatever, and then giving yourself permission to go over that time. To finish that thought. Yeah, that transition piece really irritates me about the Pomodoro method because it's asking people with ADHD people who have trouble transitioning to transition way more freaking often than they have to. On the plus side, I have seen the benefit of taking those breaks and checking in with my body, being like you should drink some water.

Melissa: 13:40

You should go to the bathroom With the habit stacking. My biggest issue is that you can stack habits, but you can keep stacking habits and then it becomes such a big routine it becomes overwhelming. And is not beneficial either, because if your morning routine becomes three hours, it may be unsustainable.

Brianna: 14:01

My issue with habit stacking is I can't remember. If I stack too many habits on top of each other, I can't remember what habits I was trying to stack and then I will miss out on the ones that I really needed. For example, taking my medication every morning, I was like going to pair it with drinking a glass of water and then I was like, oh, I really want to do a skincare routine, so I tried to pair it with that, and then I forgot to pee and I forgot to take my meds, which was like the two parts of that I really needed.

Melissa: 14:31

Oh goodness, I think about things, just everyday things like make a list. Making a list can be overwhelming One. They can become too long. I don't know if you've ever tried to make a to-do list and then you put everything on it and then you can't get started because, oh my God, there's so many things, it's overwhelming. But there's also just are you interested in doing anything on that damn list?

Melissa: 14:52

There's probably a reason I haven't done anything on the list yet. But if you do have a task list, one of the hacks is when you look at that list, what is the one thing that stands out, that your brain goes oh, I can do that. That may be the place to start. It may not be the hardest thing. It's the thing that your brain is most interested on that list to do.

Brianna: 15:14

And then what does that do? Builds momentum and you can do the rest of the stuff on that list. That's what I was talking about with. Never start with the hardest thing. Oh, an ADHD hack that I do, like making your bed. Ah, I do that and it's lovely Because okay. So there's lots of research around this.

Brianna: 15:33

People with ADHD need a clean space. We're particularly bad at keeping our spaces clean, but we need that space clean for our brains to be organized, because we're already so disorganized up here. First, be organized, because we're already so disorganized up here. First of all, huge benefit if your space is organized, making your bed means your bedroom. It looks 80% neater, even if there's still stuff on the floor. Everything Like making your bed, even though it's only one task, makes the biggest difference in the bedroom. And here is my hack for that. I don't use a top sheet, I do the European thing. If I only have a comforter, all it takes is one floop and then your bed is made. I hate top sheets. I get twisted up in them. You don't need it. Extra laundry, extra work, extra what Skip?

Melissa: 16:12

it Make your life easier. So I do the exact same thing, which is no top sheet. Top sheets are evil. Get yourself a duvet cover Best thing ever. My other hack on top of that is I have a dog that does nothing but shed, so I have another blanket that goes on top of my blankets. If we need to change it or get it off the bed, it works and we can vacuum it and we can de-hair it. If you have animals, if you want to use it, your top sheet, put it over top of everything else.

Brianna: 16:41

Some people find the Pomodoro technique super helpful. I was just chatting with someone who was like I just discovered Pomodoro and she's like I love this so much. I got so much done in two hours. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And some people love habit stacking. They're like oh, I can put this on top of this, on top of this. And those are the people who like playing with Legos and building blocks with Legos and building blocks. That's their jam. And then there are people who really love to make lists. I'm a huge fan of a list. What my ADHD hack for lists is. I will put why, like, why it's important. Next to it, like why does this need to be done by a certain date? That helps me with the task prioritization and then I can decide easier what is important and what can be maybe moved to the next day, and then never feeling any shame or guilt about not getting anything done on the list. That makes sense and then also putting things that I've already done on the list. Get up, eat breakfast.

Melissa: 17:35

Some people actually get a little bit of a dopamine high, getting that check from take a shower and brushing their teeth, and for some people it doesn't do anything for them. So this is where, like that, individualizing your dopamine hits is important. I don't know what we should call it, but your plan to get tasking started, yeah, this is so little insider tip for our podcast listeners.

Brianna: 17:59

Melissa and I are working on a group coaching session about creating your ADHD manual. That's right, and that's what this is. If you're in ADHD paralysis, what hacks or tricks or things work specifically for you and your brain and not just generically or not just for ADHD people what works for you?

Melissa: 18:19

So if you can't even think of something that would get you out of this, then all you have to do is consult your manual because it's personalized for you, and the thing about a personal manual that's really helpful is that, because of our memory, we will forget that things work really well for us. It doesn't take very much to get us off of something that may even technically be a habit for us. It's nice to have something to go back to and to reference, to be like oh yeah, that works really well for me. Let me reestablish this.

Brianna: 18:47

Yeah, exactly, I keep forgetting that music helps me get out of bed in the morning. I have forgotten so many times that if I just played some tunes I would be motivated to get out of bed and dance and make my bed and blah blah whatever, and instead I go on my phone intending to put music on and then I fall into social media.

Brianna: 19:05

And if I could just remember that one thing. It's in my manual. I need to consult my manual. The other thing about the manual is remember that thing. We were talking about asking for help if you need it, handing a partner or a trusted person or a parent or whatever that manual and being like can you find a solution for this? I've written it down. I just can't even peruse my table of contents right now. I need help. Then they don't have to guess what's in your head or try and figure it out, because they have the instruction manual for you.

Melissa: 19:34

And on asking for help and lists. There's many times I've made lists and I feel like I'm responsible for doing everything on my task list. But what a foolish mistake. But there's this thing called delegation and sometimes, even if I just need help with part of something, my spouse and I we joke a lot because I utilize him for help by doing things for me that will take me away from the thing I'm focused on. So I need that thing over there, or like I need a snack, he'll bring me a snack to make sure I keep doing what I'm doing.

Brianna: 20:07

And that is the relationship that we all want. That is what we want in ADHD supportive partners. We want someone who will bring us a snack so we can keep hyper fixating on our task and so we don't have to interrupt ourselves and take twice as long to restart, twice as long to transition it really is helpful sometimes to just ask, even if it's a small thing.

Melissa: 20:28

ask for help, it's okay.

Brianna: 20:29

The other thing about partners that I use is for body doubling. I don't necessarily need body doubling to continue a task, but I need them to start a task. So if I'm in ADHD paralysis I'm like, hey, can you just come start a task near me? And then I will want to start that task too. So when I make a list I'll give it to my partner and be like you pick something on that list, start doing something on that list, and then I will be able to do the rest of the list.

Melissa: 20:59

That's awesome. Yeah, sometimes it's getting that flow started. That's really the hardest part. The getting started will always be the hardest part. It will always be the hardest part Okay.

Melissa: 21:09

Let's talk about unconventional. So my recent unconventional is that me and ChatGPT have become very good friends. I will start my day with ChatGPT and if you actually pay for ChatGPT, it has been the best $20. I'm not sponsored by them or anything, but it's the best $20 that I spend out of my month. Why? Because I even have the app on my phone so I can literally speak to it now, so I have a full back and forth conversation. I'm a verbal processor, so I will say I need to do this thing today, but I don't really want to do it. And it will come back and say things to me, and sometimes it will say stupid things to me and I fight with it and I get all riled up. Or it may make a suggestion or give me three suggestions, and sometimes having three suggestions is better than no suggestions or all the suggestions that are in my head, and it gives me a starting point.

Brianna: 22:07

I wasn't even thinking this was unconventional, because, yeah, that is the point of chat GPT, in my opinion. I use that thing so frequently, like you, verbal processing, trying to figure out what's important, what I need to do with my day. I'll use it for like meal planning and meal prep and things like that. And also there are other tools if you don't want to use ChatGPT.

Brianna: 22:28

There's Goblin tools, which is specifically for ADHD, and there's a little slider button where you can break down tasks according to how spicy, neuro-spicy you're feeling that day. So a task like brushing your teeth could be like go to the bathroom, get your toothbrush, get toothpaste. Or it could be like, if you're feeling very spicy, stand up, walk to the bathroom, locate your toothbrush, pick up your toothbrush, locate the toothpaste, open the cap, put the toothpaste on the. It will break it down to extreme levels for you, if that's what you need, but for me, giving me a list?

Melissa: 23:03

I'm a good list maker, me too, but for me I can go to ChatGBT and say I have this project I'm working on. I am struggling with this specific aspect. Can you give me one question at a time to help ask me questions on what's important, why I want to do this? And so it's not even me initiating it, it's something else, that is an external force like pushing my creative buttons, and it gets my juices flowing, and that's why I specifically like starting my task initiation with it. It starts playing games with me, it starts challenging me, and that's why I specifically like starting my task initiation with it. It starts playing games with me, it starts challenging me, and that is what gets my dopamine come into my brain.

Brianna: 23:41

That's the thing I love about it though the curiosity and having a conversation with it, not just asking it to produce things for you, but being like I need help with this thing, but ask me questions about it because I want to figure it out for myself. Or like, how would you do this? Or yeah, the thing where it challenges you really gets me to where it's. Oh, even asked it before to be a little mean to me. Yeah, because the things that work are like oh, I bet you couldn't do this in two hours or whatever. I bet you can't get this done.

Melissa: 24:14

You and I are a lot alike in this. As soon as someone challenges me, that's it. The gauntlet's been put down and I must do the thing. Not only will I succeed, I'll do it really well.

Brianna: 24:23

Oh yeah, again, not sponsored, but I am a huge advocate of anyone who advocates for ADHD. So there are some people on the Internet who have created an app called Dubby and it's basically body doubling. They've created a body doubling app where they'll do tasks and you follow along, which I think is a very clever idea. Personally, that's great. Yeah, I have not used it. I should clarify it. I think the first one is free and then after that it costs you money, but I just think it's so brilliant that an ADHD creator was like yeah, body doubling is really helpful for me. I want to help other people.

Melissa: 25:02

So I love that they did that. I need to do more body doubling. Sometimes I just don't like anyone to be around at all.

Brianna: 25:08

Yeah, again, you have to make it work for you, and there are certain people who are great at body doubling and certain people who I would not choose to, because I know we'll get distracted with each other. There are certain things like I want to be on camera for or not on camera for, if it's like a virtual body doubling thing.

Melissa: 25:26

At the top of the episode we were discussing how each person with ADHD is really individual. We're like fingerprints. Each of us is that different. Our needs are different, what inspires us is different, so each of these things is not going to just hit you and be like that's the thing that's for me, or if something kind of clicks with you, you may need to adjust it to work for what your personal strengths are, how you like to lay things out, what makes sense for your specific brain, whatever that is.

Brianna: 25:57

Yeah, that's the power of coaching, right? If you really need help with a certain thing, and just talking it out with another person who has the training, who knows about ADHD, can really help and then customize the things that will work for you.

Melissa: 26:10

Yeah, just as a reminder, we are both ADHD. Coaches will work for you. Yeah, just as a reminder, we are both ADHD coaches.

Brianna: 26:21

You can find my coaching services at likemindcoachingcom. You can find me at understandingadhdca. I'm an ADHD coach and recently I've started offering therapy services because I am an intern, which means I'm still a student, but I offer both coaching and therapy.

Melissa: 26:34

And don't be afraid to individually seek out what works best for you. Don't just take the hack and say the hack doesn't work. The hack may work for you, but make sure it works specifically for you and rearrange it, spin it upside down, take only part of it.

Brianna: 26:52

And then write it down somewhere or have some method of accountability where you don't forget that the hack exists, because that's the other part of ADHD you might find something that works really great for you and then all of a sudden you forget it exists and you never do it again, or you rediscover it six years later and you're like oh, I remember doing this. Yes, and it was super helpful. What was I doing with the past six years of my?

Melissa: 27:15

life. Okay Well, thank you so much for joining us Until next time. Bye, bye-bye. Thanks for joining us on this episode of Hypercast, if you've enjoyed today's episode and want to stay connected.

Brianna: 27:29

be sure to rate and subscribe, and check out the show notes for links to our social media and websites.

Melissa: 27:34

Whether you're seeking practical tips, heartfelt stories or just a sense of community, hypercast is here for you.

Brianna: 27:41

Remember you're not alone in your ADHD journey. Together, we can navigate the highs and lows with courage and compassion.

Melissa: 27:47

So until next time, take care, stay curious and keep embracing your unique neurodiversity. Catch you on the next episode of Hypercast.