ADHD & The Trauma of Packing

Have you ever felt like packing for a trip is more mentally exhausting than the trip itself? In this episode, Melissa and Brianna discuss the challenges of travel and moving, especially when dealing with ADHD. They share stories and strategies for navigating the executive functioning skills needed for day trips and the anxiety of packing up for a big move. They also talk about the emotional impact of leaving your comfort zone and the added stress of unfamiliar environments.

Join the waitlist for our ADHD Personal User Manual workshop:
https://www.hypercastpod.com/workshops

Rick Steves: https://www.ricksteves.com/

Melissa's Contact:
Email: melissa@likemindcoaching.com
www.likemindcoaching.com

Brianna's Contact:
Email: info@understandingadhd.ca
www.understandingADHD.ca

Follow Us On Instagram

Chapters

• 0:00 Unpacking the Emotional Weight of Travel
• 13:28 Navigating the Stress of Moving

Transcript

Melissa: 0:00

Hi, there you're listening to Hypercast, an ADHD podcast. I'm Melissa, an ADHD coach and advocate.

Brianna: 0:08

Hi, I'm Brianna, an ADHD coach and soon-to-be therapist. We are here to explore all things ADHD, from unexpected challenges to unique strengths.

Melissa: 0:16

Join us as we share insights and strategies that empower you to live your best ADHD life.

Brianna: 0:21

Ready? Let's dive into today's episode.

Melissa: 0:39

Welcome to.

Brianna: 0:39

Hypercast. Welcome to Hypercast. Today's topic of conversation is packing, but not just packing Traveling, moving the decision-, decision making process, leaving the nest. When you pitch this to me, I am currently in the middle of an international move myself and I was like, yes, let's talk about this, it sucks. The reason it's so important is because just leaving the house for a day can be quite different. Like a day trip. I have to pack food for a picnic, or I have to pack this for this activity, like all of that, like packing is super, like executive function heavy, like you have to decision making and task prioritization, and like time management. Packing is the epitome of all of those things shoved into one thing.

Melissa: 1:20

I have often said that I feel the same packing for a trip for one day away from my house as I do a week away from my house. The same amount of mental and, yeah, mental energy Hurt is supposed to be less stress.

Brianna: 1:36

I don't understand. I feel like it's just a day, it's just an overnight, it's just a weekend. Yes, it's less days, so it's more suffering for less fun. I don't know what you want from me.

Melissa: 1:48

We pitch this as little T traveling and big T traveling, as in packing for a short amount of time and then packing which Brianna is in the middle of packing to move to a new home, to a new country. Both are a little different but have some really similar emotional components. When it comes to what we go through when we're transitioning from one place to another, yeah, we're putting our routines aside, we're putting our safe spaces aside to dive into something new and unusual and that's totally different than what we know and we don't always know what to expect.

Brianna: 2:29

I recently went to the UK for two months and I hadn't realized how accommodating I had made my space until I was out of it for an extended period of time, and I think that's part of the packing thing you're talking about. Yeah, I can pack my things, but I can't pack my accommodations. I can't pack my structure, my routines, my safe space, because everything changes when you travel. It's super exciting, going on vacation is great. I love traveling the world. I've been to maybe 20 countries at this point, which I'm very privileged to have done, and I love that. But the packing and the decision making of what if I need this, how am I going to access this is harder for us, because it's not like we can just pick up the thing that we're familiar with in a different country. If you forget toothpaste, you can buy toothpaste, but if there's a very specific clothing item that doesn't have a tag or if there's a brand of shampoo that doesn't, make your hair itch.

Melissa: 3:31

Sometimes even the placement of where your things are determine how your day will be. I have a stool at our counter in the kitchen. If someone's sitting in my stool, I forget to take my medication for the day. Sometimes I's sitting in my stool, I forget to take my medication for the day. Sometimes I forget components of my breakfast because I'm so disturbed by that one thing being shifted that I feel overwhelmed and I don't want to say it destroys my day, but it does definitely impact it. If I don't take the right medication, if I don't eat properly, it gets my day started with the wrong tone.

Brianna: 4:05

Absolutely, and that's what happens when you move or travel. You can't take that with you. So how are you going to remember to take your medication? When you were saying that, I was thinking about grocery stores, because if I have to go get a grocery something, I have my home store that I know where everything is laid out. You know where the stuff is in their stores. If you go someplace else now, you're going to have to find the toothpaste aisle. Then you're going to have to, like, if it's a different language, read them in a different language and identify the different brands or products are in a different country. It's all just that little bit off from your normal, which then creates more decisions, more cost benefit analysis. It triggers all these thoughts in our brain and we have to make all those decisions all over again. For us it's very triggering.

Melissa: 4:49

Yeah, just the thought of having to figure out what to put into a suitcase can be so overwhelming that we leave it to the last minute and then we freak out and go I don't know, and then we just start shoving things that we think we may need into the bag. Next thing we know, for a five-day vacation, we have 20 pairs of pants and 16 shirts, and forget underwear, socks and leave our toothbrush behind.

Brianna: 5:15

And I bring seven books that I am definitely going to read in two days, even though we have a jam-packed schedule. You know what I think I'm going to learn?

Melissa: 5:22

ukulele while I'm away. Exactly, and you need the ball gown. You absolutely need the ball gown. Yeah, I studied overseas for a while and took just an excessive amount of crap with me when I went and dragging it from multiple airports to where I was studying in Europe. On the trip back, though, it became a trains, planes and automobiles situation where I was dropped off at a train station, had to make it to an airport. Of course, going back, I was young and stupid and I had not learned yet that Americans give you more baggage weight on the way to Europe than they give you on the way back to America. I had to pay an excessive amount of money for all the crap that I drug with me. I think I broke a toe. I ended up missing a flight. I ended up in France for an extra 16 hours. I was bawling my eyes out and I promised myself I would never, ever do that again.

Brianna: 6:22

I am gonna need a minute to process that story. You broke a toe because you were overpacked.

Melissa: 6:30

Yes, I made a lot of Europeans mad at me.

Brianna: 6:33

Having lived in Europe, I can absolutely understand. I went to Europe for six weeks with one backpack type suitcase and it was great. I didn't need anything more than what was in there re-wearing outfits, that type of thing. Then somehow I lost that ability because I was really great at packing. But what I realized was that I had always been given a list.

Brianna: 6:57

When I had to go away to choir camp or summer camps or whatever, they sent out a packing list which, specifically three shirts, two pairs of pants, one rain jacket, two pairs of shoes like one sandal, one hiking boot, like everything flashlight, slippers, travel mug everything fit into one bag. I could manage that bag by myself as a 12 year old or however old I was, and it was the best thing ever, yep. Then I started not using a list and I couldn't make those decisions. I was like, do I need this? Do I need that? Overpacked so severely every time and, like you said, always left it to the last minute. Like it's 3 am and I have to leave for my flight at 4 and I don't have my suitcase packed yet. Yeah, that type of last minute Am I going to miss my flight because I couldn't finish packing my bags in?

Melissa: 7:46

time. And the thing is, though, once you shove all that stuff into your bag to make it to your location, you then have to repack it to come home, so you end up with that same anxiety.

Brianna: 7:58

I am so good at Tetris and packing cubes. Yes, I'm not sponsored by packing cubes, but I'd love to be.

Melissa: 8:06

I have at least 20 of them. I have multiple configurations. I started down this trek of becoming a one bag traveler. Yeah, so my current goal is to do a seven-day cruise and a bag that will fit under the seat in front of me An ADHD pro tip first of all is if you have a list and then limit your space, I always start packing in a smaller suitcase.

Brianna: 8:30

Once I get into that panic I'm going to miss my flight. I put everything in a larger suitcase and I'm out. That's a win. I'm not going to shame myself for failing to pack it in that smaller bag, but it helps to have that visual limiting of you can only fit this much stuff. I need my lists back. Shop TPT does a good list. It does.

Melissa: 8:50

If you have a beauty routine, make sure that you know how much stuff you use, Because if you take all your bottles with you that's a lot of weight. I will actually pack stuff in contact lens cases. I get granular with how small my stuff is, but I've only done that because I know how much stuff I use in a given amount of time. I prioritize things, but I could lecture on this topic forever because I find it very exciting, but the rest of the world may not. I wish I could be you.

Brianna: 9:17

I'm finding this all fascinating, because I used to be a one bag traveler. Then I got way too much anxiety about leaving my stuff behind and not having what I needed. I think it was my journey of coming into my diagnosis. It's what stopped that, because I started noticing more sensitivities and had more issues with my lack of accommodations. With the transition, with the change, with the differences, I started needing more comfort items. It's a weird transition and now I'm trying to find a balance. So you can lecture me all day about this.

Melissa: 9:46

I travel with a Tempur-Pedic pillow and I still fit it in my bag. I love those, but I've figured out what I need to make myself comfortable and healthy. I pack a lot of stuff but sometimes I just pack less of it. I carry duct tape with me. I carry like a flashlight. I carry things that I know if I were to get in a bind, if something were to give me anxiety, I make sure I have at least a little bit of it with me. I don't need a whole roll of duct tape, just a little bit Most people who takes duct tape and wraps it around a lighter.

Brianna: 10:19

Yes, I am.

Melissa: 10:21

Lighters can't go on planes. You can wrap it around a deodorant container.

Brianna: 10:27

I was just thinking of, like camping and backpacking, because that's the other place that does this hyper lightweight one bag type situation, because you're carrying it on your back and it needs to be something you can carry and hike with.

Melissa: 10:38

Yep, that's exactly it when I started doing research the ultra lightweight packing community. They have amazing ideas about how to take the things that make you comfortable but still be able to carry it on your back. It changed my view. It wasn't about depriving myself of comfort. I even make sure that my setup is similar. I try my setup at home. If I need certain things in the morning and I like them separated, I have a bag for the morning and a bag for the evening. I have it set up in the bathroom. That way, I get these lightweight hooks and I just put them on the mirror of any bathroom I'm in. I set up my space so it is ADHD friendly for me. I'm not trying to bend myself to the place where I am. I'm trying to make the place where I am ADHD friendly for me. I'm not trying to bend myself to the place where I am, I'm trying to make the place where I am ADHD friendly.

Brianna: 11:23

That's huge that is the pro tip for this episode of why, when you live your life in an ADHD friendly way in your home, when you travel, why would you deprive yourself of that? Because it just makes the traveling harder and less fun, and then you're drained emotionally and you can't actually enjoy what you're doing. Just make it ADHD friendly, bring the things you need, or create the space, the system setup that works for you.

Melissa: 11:51

I love that. The part of that pre-work is recognizing what in your everyday life makes you comfortable, what are your actual needs, and addressing those, because whether you are traveling or, like we were saying before, these things can also apply if you're moving to a new place. What are the things that make you comfortable? What are the first things that you want to have available to you, that you want to be able to set up? There's no way you can unpack every single box at once, but what things need to be in the first two boxes that you open up, or the backpack or suitcase that goes with you on a plane? What needs to be with you so you are comfortable enough in that space to have the motivation to unpack the third, fourth and fifth box?

Brianna: 12:40

I have the answers to those questions. The first box I unpack is the box with the internet. If I'm bringing a modem or that's getting hooked up first, I don't need a chair. I'll sit on the floor of my laptop, my power cord, my internet. What I need with me in my bag is my tech, my medication, and I always bring my pajamas and toothbrush in my carry-on. Normally, the first thing you want to do when you get there is take a shower, brush your teeth, go to bed. Depending on the time you get there, I tend to get places quite late at night. Packing cubes are so helpful because in my life I have systems that organize and separate. I don't want a suitcase full of having to I can't find anything in separate. I don't want a suitcase full of having to I can't find anything in here, and then everything is all over the floor. It would destroy me. So packing cubes.

Melissa: 13:28

So, brianna, I did have a question for you. What are your greatest anxieties when it comes to moving?

Brianna: 13:33

That's a terrible question because, all of it, the biggest difference between little T traveling and big t traveling and we've done this on purpose, because it's like little t trauma and big t trauma is everything. Is that anxiety, but to the extreme, because it's not like if you forget something it's going to be easy to reclaim right. The decisions, reclaim right. The decisions have more importance. Therefore, they cause more anxiety. It also forces you to confront anything that you've been putting off. For example, I have a lot of clothing that no longer fits me Because I am moving, I'm going to have to go through all that clothing and get rid of clothing and not bring it with me and accept that it's gone and change and transition around that. Things like makeup products or hair products or food that's in my place that has expired or needs to be used or thrown out that has to be dealt with and that's not an everyday task. Also, there's just a lot of forms and that's one of my biggest anxieties.

Melissa: 14:50

What you're describing is something that a lot of us, and that's one of my biggest anxieties. It means making sure we have. If there's forms that we need to fill out to move, or do I need to find an apartment, what does that entail? And so it's breaking all these things into chunks, making sure that we're getting them done, so, when we're confronted with that deadline of moving, that it doesn't smack us in the face.

Brianna: 15:14

Yeah, with the forms. You could argue that it's like a travel itinerary or deciding what Airbnb or hotel to stay in, where to eat, what activities to do, that type of thing so similar, like where am I going to live, is there rent, what insurance forms do I need? It's a lot of executive functioning, a lot of decisions under a deadline, which is quite stressful. But, yeah, it's all of this mental energy that needs to be expended. There is a deadline, there are consequences if you don't do these tasks. But that's the thing of little tea travel, big tea travel. All of those decisions, all of that mental energy, all of that executive functioning. It's draining, it's exhausting and it makes the beginning of traveling not really fun.

Brianna: 16:04

I understand why there's a lot of people who don't want to do it, but for me it's so rewarding to go and explore new places that for me it's worth to go and explore new places, that for me it's worth. I'm not minimizing the stress. I have cried packing frequently. Most of the time I cry. It's awful. It is one of the worst experiences of my life. I always need help. I always have to have someone bail me out in order to make it there on time.

Melissa: 16:29

You mentioned for little t travel, using something like ChatGPT to help you make a list for packing. Something like ChatGPT can also help you if you're working on big T traveling or moving in advance. Take some time, figure out what you need to do. What steps do you need to take? You've mentioned Goblin Tools before, which is really good if you have a big task and need to break that into smaller tasks. Sometimes you just have a really big rock that you need to tackle. Goblin tools does a great job of breaking that into smaller, bite-sized pieces that help you reach that ultimate goal.

Brianna: 17:04

Yeah, Depending on your level of spiciness, you can break it down really minutia. It's quite intense, the level it breaks it down to, which is not always needed but can be helpful. One of the things I did is I walked around my apartment because we were talking about it's difficult to leave because you have those systems in place and the things. So I walked around my apartment and specifically looked at what I had that made it function for me and my ADHD. That's things like having a trash can in every room one by my bed, one by my desk, one in the kitchen, one in the bathroom, which are the obvious ones.

Brianna: 17:37

But I don't have just one trash can because then there would be trash everywhere. I have a little shelf instead of a chair. Drove, I put all my clothes that I've worn once but are dirty yet on a shelf, so they're organized. So I made a list of things for when I move that I'm going to need. It calmed my brain and my anxiety so much because I was like, oh, I can get these things. Now that I know what they are and I have a list, I'm not going to forget them and it's not going to destroy me to not have them because I'm going to get them. So just creating that safety in my brain made the whole process cal and I was able to tackle it with less heightened emotion and less fear.

Melissa: 18:17

There's often fear of the unknown. Taking the time to figure out what your needs are and to assure yourself that, even if you can't take it with you, you know what you need to do and what you need to provide yourself with to create that safe environment that will be functional for you. That is, giving you assurance that it's going to be okay.

Brianna: 18:37

Taking away the food from the anxiety and feeding it to the calm so I can function better. Stop an anxiety. You don't get to rule me. I actually am capable of doing packing, traveling, moving, whatever it is. I've done it before, I'll do it again. It's not the end of the world, even though you think that it is. I've done it before, I'll do it again. It's not the end of the world, even though you think that it is. You're wrong. Stupid anxiety.

Melissa: 18:57

And with that piece of figuring out who you are and what you need, Brianna and.

Melissa: 19:02

I are in the middle of developing a workshop. The workshop is on creating your own personal manual. How do I function? What do I need to do to take care of myself? I think there's a lot of times that we find ways to accommodate ourselves and we don't really pay attention to it. Looking at what your environment looks like and how it functions for you, it's very important to acknowledge these things. You may move and if you don't take note, you may forget your needs are.

Brianna: 19:28

But it's the same thing that you were talking about with your. I practice this before I go, I make sure that I know how much of this cream I'm going to use, and I have my daytime and my nighttime or my morning and my night bags. I keep them separate and I have them on hook. All of that is practiced, all of that is known, so now you can do it and create that for yourself. That's the kind of things that we're thinking about here, of how to accommodate for yourself even when there is transition.

Melissa: 19:54

You don't have to miss out on the adventure and I know everyone would like a magic pill to make everything work like magically, but honestly, a lot of this does take time and effort, but it is time and effort well spent Learning how to figure yourself out. It's not just us. Anyone in the world will benefit from figuring out what works best for them, what they actually need. Whether it's us or someone who's neurotypical, we all have needs and it really benefits us ultimately to know what we need in our space to feel comfortable. We covered little T travel and big T travel. I don't know if any of this helped you, but we really hope that it did. Brianna, did this conversation help you at all today?

Brianna: 20:37

It made me realize that I have already taken a lot of steps, even if I haven't started the actual packing yet, because it's mental load, it's executive function, it's all of the thinking and the steps up here before you get to the packing. Putting stuff in a suitcase is not hard. Yeah, it's the brain stuff that's hard.

Melissa: 21:00

So even if you physically haven't done it, you've mentally started the process and you're on your way to being where you need to be Bravo, you're doing it.

Brianna: 21:04

Thanks. Hopefully I can not finish packing at 3 am before we have to leave at 4 am. I wish you luck. We wish all of you luck. If you're traveling and packing, reach out for help, use Goblin Tools or chat GPT, make a list, join one of the single bag packing communities. There's a lot of tips on there.

Melissa: 21:23

Rick Steves is like the godfather. He is the godfather of traveling. One bag traveling. Go on Rick Steves' website. He has amazing tips. He's phenomenal Also travel tips, if you're interested, go on Rick Steves' website.

Brianna: 21:34

He has amazing tips. He's phenomenal. Also travel tips, if you're interested.

Melissa: 21:36

I love Rick Steves. His tours of different places are so great. If you would like further support or resources, Brianna and I are both ADHD coaches. You can find me at likemindcoachingcom. You can find Brianna at understandingadhdca.

Brianna: 21:56

Thanks for tuning in, until next time.

Melissa: 21:59

Bye, bye-bye. Thanks for joining us on this episode of Hypercast.

Brianna: 22:06

If you've enjoyed today's episode and want to stay connected. Be sure to rate and subscribe, and check out the show notes for links to our social media and websites, whether you're seeking practical tips, heartfelt stories or just a sense of community. Hypercast is here for you, remember you're not alone in your ADHD journey. Together, we can navigate the highs and lows with courage and compassion.

Melissa: 22:26

So until next time, take care, stay curious and keep embracing your unique neurodiversity. Catch you on the next episode of Hypercast.