ADHD and Men: Breaking Free from Stigma and Finding Success

n this episode of Hypercast, we explore ADHD and Men, uncovering how societal stigma impacts mental health and success. Join us as we dive into the unique experiences of men with ADHD and share strategies to manage impulsive behaviors, emotional struggles, and more.

Featuring Evlogi Simeonov from Men Beyond the Verge, who offers firsthand insights and effective tools for thriving as a neurodivergent man.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
📌 The impact of societal expectations on men with ADHD
📌 How self-awareness and self-compassion can empower men to manage ADHD
📌 Practical tools like the “Power of the Pause” for better decision-making and control
📌 How to embrace ADHD as a strength, not a limitation

Key Points:

• Men with ADHD face unique challenges, often driven by stigma around vulnerability and emotional expression.
• Self-compassion and pausing impulsive reactions are essential tools for mental well-being.
• Stop comparing yourself to neurotypicals—embrace your ADHD strengths and live authentically.

Guest Expert:
Evlogi Simeonov, founder of Men Beyond the Verge, specializes in coaching neurodivergent men. He shares personal stories and offers actionable strategies to help men break free from limiting societal expectations and live authentically with ADHD.

Follow Evlogi Simeonov:
📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@menbeyondtheverge
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/menbeyondtheverge/
🌐 Website: https://menbeyondtheverge.com/

More from Hypercast and the Hosts:
🎧 Podcast: www.hypercastpod.com
📺 Hypercast YouTube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCsr6u7RnlnuZUYxysCe1c3w
📸 Instagram: www.instagram.com/hypercast.podcast
💡 Melissa’s ADHD Coaching Services: www.likemindcoaching.com
🌟 Brianna’s Resources at Understanding ADHD: www.understandingadhd.ca

Don’t miss out—like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell for practical strategies to thrive with ADHD!

#ADHD #ADHDandMen #Neurodiversity #Hypercast #MenBeyondtheVerge #MentalHealth #ADHDSuccess #ADHDTips #BreakingFree

Melissa's Contact:
Email: melissa@likemindcoaching.com
www.likemindcoaching.com

Brianna's Contact:
Email: info@understandingadhd.ca
www.understandingADHD.ca

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Chapters

• 0:00 Exploring ADHD in Men
• 14:35 Navigating Impulsivity and Self-Discovery

Transcript

Melissa: 0:00

Hi, there You're listening to Hypercast, an ADHD podcast. I'm Melissa, an ADHD coach and advocate.

Brianna: 0:08

Hi, I'm Brianna an ADHD coach and soon-to-be therapist. We're here to explore all things.

Melissa: 0:13

ADHD from unexpected challenges to even strengths. Men with ADHD face some unique challenges that empower you to live your best ADHD life, and we're excited to explore that today.

Brianna: 0:23

We are obviously not men, so we have brought one on to the podcast. He actually works specifically with men. We're having a conversation just before we got started about how important that work is and we're so excited to have him on.

Melissa: 0:40

Evologi has a company. His company's name is Men Beyond the Verge. It's an ADHD coaching practice which focuses on guiding men with ADHD to live authentically and thrive. Welcome, Vologi. Thank you for being here with us.

Evlogi: 0:52

Hello, thank you for this invitation. I'm happy to be part of this episode.

Brianna: 0:56

The most important question we have to ask you is why are we talking about ADHD in men? What is unique about it? Why are you even on this podcast today?

Evlogi: 1:12

Yeah, like we know, in our modern society it's getting really hard to notice that men are actually struggling with their mental health. I want to give a specific recognition of the why Because neurodivergent men are different breeds of men, they're specific and we know that having ADHD or being neurodivergent in general has so many components on the side, like, we have the mental health, but when you're neurodivergent, we have other components that we have to address. And when you're a man, the stigma around being and behaving as a man is tough. It's difficult to maintain. When you're a man, the stigma around being and behaving as a man is tough, it's difficult to maintain, and I think we should start talking about more and more for men and ADHD.

Melissa: 1:56

Is that stigma? You're mentioning the emotional stigma, the I'm not supposed to display my emotions or have certain feelings. Is that the stigma you're discussing here?

Evlogi: 2:04

Yeah, that's one of the things and basically what a man should do in general and how they should behave in specific situations or with specific people, but we are not talking about what those men actually need and what is like giving sense of purpose in their lives and addressing this as well.

Brianna: 2:28

Because in our ADHD and women episode we talked a lot about the societal expectations placed on women in terms of boys will be boys and they're allowed to have that rambunctious energy visibly out in society. But the reverse also is true of there are societal expectations for men and that machismo and that emotional stoicism that you're not allowed to show your emotions, you're not allowed to ask for help, and one of the biggest tools of ADHD is asking for help when you need it. How do you ask for help as a man, then, if you're going through this and trying to deal with society's pressure, how do you break free from that mold?

Evlogi: 3:06

So I will talk from personal experience, because in the last few months I went through a huge personal transformation myself. I think the first step is to let go and tell to yourself and actually recognize that you need the help Not actually know that you need the help, but recognize the need of it and feel the need of it and tell yourself okay, I need help, I need to find help. I'm not sure how and where, but I need that help. And that is the first step of the process. Then there are many ways to seek help. You can reach out to family members, friends, other professionals, therapists, coaches and so on. But I think the biggest challenge in many men even myself in the past is to recognize that you're okay, to validate that you need the help and let it go.

Melissa: 3:58

I think that asking for help piece prevents men from seeking out things like therapy and ADHD coaching, which can be very vital pieces of ADHD treatment. That societal expectation can potentially be holding men back from fully treating their ADHD, from fully accepting themselves as who they are. Can you speak about that just a little bit?

Evlogi: 4:21

Many men prefer to hide themselves in other behaviors, but that breaks the balance. They can go and do some excessive training or everything else in extremities which might benefit them in some way, but if we look on the long term, they're still not addressing the core issue behind their behavior and they will be still struggling or limit themselves from achieving their full potential and, like we said in the beginning, thriving authentically. So yeah, it's really a huge problem to address that maybe we need to find a way to give them another perspective of actually seeking help, because the stigma of seeking help is so huge. You feel ashamed of yourself that you need help and if you seek therapy or other service, you feel like you're broken, you're not good enough. But that's not true.

Melissa: 5:14

It sounds like you've done work on this. The words you're using sound like they're coming from personal experience. What has your journey been like?

Evlogi: 5:22

Oh. So my journey was anything but smooth. I think I needed to go through every stage of it because in the beginning you start searching for answers. You go to some therapy. You address the depression, the anxiety, but something still feels off, like it's not changing and the more you grow, the worse it gets. You need specific systems and understanding. After therapy you see more information about the neurodivergence part of it, but you're like that's not true for me. I'm normal.

Evlogi: 5:57

You continue living, but you start to have many struggles in the quality of life. Like you have the intention of becoming better, have a good job, have a family, but something still feels off and it's not happening, it's preventing you from achieving this. And then you start to think about maybe I have ADHD. So you start learning, understanding yourself and in general you go through some denial, acceptance, denial, acceptance, denial but you're climbing up and so that might take some years, months, but it's needed. In all this process, like you feel some pain, you feel many other struggles, but you need that because when you have this intention to actually do something about it, that is enough and at some point you will have your answers and maybe you will achieve some growth.

Evlogi: 6:53

For me personally. It took many years. I'm in my late 20s, but I started when I was maybe a teen to seek some answers. I realized something is different. I started when I was maybe a teen to seek some answers. I realized something is different. I was so depressed as a teen and you like when you don't have somebody to share that it's hard. So you might develop some addictive behaviors just coping mechanisms, because medication is not something you can receive easily and you try to find your answers. So I might get a bit distracted here and get on the side. But what I wanted to say is that I think every journey is unique. What we have in common is the neurodivergence, but every journey is unique on its own and it's something that shapes our character at the end.

Brianna: 7:52

So you talked about potential and achieving your goals and things like that. I know that there is like the societal, traditional, masculine values of you have to be the provider.

Brianna: 8:04

You have to have like certain levels of success in society, and ADHD obviously makes that harder. Yes, there are successful businessmen with ADHD in terms of like, their creativity, their entrepreneurship, their risk-taking behavior, as we were talking about before the show started All of those positive ADHD traits that help you succeed. But there are also parts of ADHD that make achieving that traditional male role harder. Is that where some of the depression or some of the struggle is coming from? These are the expectations. I'm not actually able to get the help to meet those expectations and I'm still trying, so maybe there's that addiction piece coming along.

Evlogi: 8:41

Yeah, I think this is a large topic that could be observed from different angles. The depression might come from those expectations that are not aligned with who we are in our true essence. It's easier to adopt other expectations as your interest and you might think that you have interest in those expectations, but that might not be the truth. You need to go through some other internal work in order to recognize it and what is true for you.

Evlogi: 9:09

Many men in general, as a nature of the man, is to provide. But what stands behind this provide thing is that he feels good, he feels capable and loved when he is able to actually provide, and by provide that could not be measured only in money or some other material stuff, it could be just. He could be emotional provider. It's something that he's capable of. When he's not doing good and he feels that, I think the man just loses his sense of purpose and it's easy to slip into something that makes him feel good. We can again, we can repeat the addictive behaviors, the escapism in general, when we know that the ADHD brain is low on dopamine by default, and that's even easier to do to go and prefer something that feels good to you.

Melissa: 10:06

Evlogi, you mentioned doing internal work. Are there tools that you have been successful at utilizing in doing that internal work?

Evlogi: 10:14

I would say, to learn more about self-compassion. I think that's the key part of healing many of the traumas that you might have and develop that strong connection with yourself, because you have to realize that you need the help and you are ready to let go of all the limits that are preventing you from moving forward. Many individuals with ADHD remember their negative memories and when they face new challenges they might like oh, i'm'm not good enough, I won't make it. But they have the potential, everybody has it. When they find that source of strength, they can move forward. So in order to achieve self-compassion, we have to be aware of it and our internal self-talk. Maybe we can pick just one simple situation and notice what we talk to ourselves and shift the perspective.

Evlogi: 11:08

In my last depressive episode, I was totally unfunctional and I knew that I have to go to work and I was just laying in bed and I was like come on, just get up. You can do it or you're not good enough. You have this negative self-talk. In those moments I changed this perspective and I was like it will be okay. I know it's hard for you, I know it's painful, but it will be okay. Just commit to one thing today and call it a day, like, maybe prepare a meal high protein meal because you need it. If that's your commitment for the day, that will be enough for you and I'm here for you. You can speak as your best friend. You have to develop this connection with yourself. The last thing I want to say about self-compassion is self-compassion will not prevent the pain, will not stop the pain, but will help us go through the pain and support ourselves in those periods.

Brianna: 12:06

You are speaking my language right now. You're saying, like understanding how ADHD impacts you, then reframing all those negative thoughts and the self-compassion piece. Man, you were like everything, I'm like. Yes, it's low D.

Melissa: 12:20

It's like this is the last thing I'm going to say about self-compassion. I'm like, no, don't have that be the last thing you say about self-compassion. I think it's one of the most important pieces of living our lives with ADHD.

Brianna: 12:30

Yeah, society has told all of us with ADHD that we're broken, but men in particular don't receive emotional support and have less of a community. Women tend to rely on each other more often because we're allowed to cry, whereas men can't because they'll be judged or viewed as lesser or girly, which is still a derogatory thing in some cultures. Applying that self-compassion is so critical for everyone, especially people with ADHD, especially men with ADHD, who are not going to get it from another source.

Evlogi: 13:02

Yeah.

Melissa: 13:02

I appreciate you saying that you can be there for yourself, that you can learn to love yourself, being your own support, being okay with who you are. That's dude. You're a deep dude.

Brianna: 13:16

Did you have a question, Brianna? I have a bunch of numbers about testosterone and stuff.

Evlogi: 13:21

I'm curious.

Brianna: 13:21

Before we started recording, you started talking about risk-taking behavior of Logie. I did a little bit of research on that and in talking about testosterone levels, men have testosterone. Testosterone actually helps the function of dopamine, but what that actually turns out to mean is increased risk-taking behavior, more ability to do those impulsive things, because it's not necessarily helping with ADHD, it's just allowing you to get over that block and do the impulsive thing, do the risk-taking thing, and that can even turn into addictive behaviors as well. Because it's that dopamine seeking right, because your testosterone's like I really want some dopamine. Your ADHD brain is like I don't have any and your testosterone's like get me some. That leads to that impulsive behavior. What impacts does that have on the day-to-day life of men? Right, yeah.

Melissa: 14:11

We people with ADHD, are not good about thinking about the future. We're not thinking about the impacts of those impulsive behaviors while we're doing them.

Brianna: 14:19

It also impacts financial risk taking as well. So, if you're thinking about your financial future, have you had any experience with this? Because you were talking about risk taking before, does this make sense to you?

Melissa: 14:32

in any way, anything you're comfortable sharing. Yes.

Evlogi: 14:35

No, I'm one of those examples that my risk-taking behaviors might be most of the negative ones than the positives, but usually the feeling in this moment is so strong that it just attracts you like a magnet and you cannot do anything about it. You might have thoughts in your head, oh, that might be a bad idea, but you're like no, anyway, I will do it. And you're just there and even you have the awareness that you're doing it. It still feels like you're in spectator modes. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but you're observing yourself doing something and you cannot change it.

Brianna: 15:14

I totally understand that feeling. I have lived my life where I am doing something that I don't want to be doing and I'm still doing it. What's going on?

Melissa: 15:21

I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my life. Yeah, has there been a time when you have stopped yourself from doing that impulsive behavior and, if so, what stopped you?

Evlogi: 15:36

So I think maybe after my coaching education I became more capable because of the posing element, being aware of the power of the pose, and take a breath and realign myself and really think what I want to do in this moment myself and really think what I want to do in this moment. But the other thing that changes now I have greater sense of who I am and that actually helps me go into the right direction. Most of the time is because all the decisions I take are aligned with my values, my integrity and my vision of myself, and now I became more successful in managing even my diet, my exercise, future planning.

Brianna: 16:20

That's a really powerful tool that ability to pause and interrupt that impulsive behavior. Because your body is being driven to do those impulsive things. With the high levels of testosterone you said you were in your late 20s, testosterone peaks in your 20s and 30s and then goes down, which leads to that myth of ADHD is only for children or it's cured in adulthood. Because your testosterone and your impulsive, your risk-taking behavior decreases as your testosterone levels decrease, right in that time period where your hormones are in your body acting on your behalf and you're not fully in control yet. Having that ability to pause before making the stupid decision lead to a better future and you're not fully in control yet. Having that ability to pause before making the stupid decision lead to a better future.

Melissa: 16:59

I'm getting this image of being in my car with a GPS system and then you go off course and it starts yelling at you that it needs to recalculate or recenter itself. So like, yeah, you need to mentally recenter yourself because you've gone off the path that you wanted to go down.

Evlogi: 17:15

Really nice analogy actually, and here I want to just add a little more for our listeners, because the power of the pulse might sound a bit too high-level concept, but it's just a simple realization at the moment that you're doing something and you stop yourself from doing it and take a deep breath. That's enough, even for one or two seconds. That's enough. Even for one or two seconds, that's enough.

Melissa: 17:39

The pulse is enough, and sometimes it's good, before you start doing anything, to just take a second and take a deep breath. We're not good at considering what we're about to do. How many times have we done something and we even forgot that we did it because we didn't take the time to let it sink into our brains?

Brianna: 17:54

Yeah, it and take the time to let it sink into our brains. Yeah, there's a concept called l'appel du vide, which is like the call of the void which everyone has. You're like standing on a high place, you're like, what if I jumped? With ADHD brains I'm not saying you're going to jump, but there's more impulse to do the thing and less time to think. So the l'appel du vide is more dangerous for us.

Brianna: 18:15

Like I said, it leads to these addictive behaviors. There's a higher rate of incarceration among ADHD individuals, especially ADHD men, because of that risk-taking behavior. There's all of these pieces that impact people with ADHD, but also men with ADHD, specifically because of that impulsivity, that risk taking. And a potentially negative thing is also, if you're in a relationship or are seeking that kind of connection, there could be higher instances of domestic violence. It doesn't excuse crimes that were committed If you're aware that your body might be more inclined to do some kind of risky or impulsive thing. Think about, as you've said before, your values. Does this align with my values? If I breathe a second, is this something I actually want for myself and my future? Sorry, that was a bit dark.

Evlogi: 19:06

That's one of the important topics, because I'm participating in many communities online, even sometimes as an anonymous person communities online, even sometimes anonymous person but all the posts I see recently are oh guys, I'm on the verge of divorce, I'm on the verge of collapse Like it's really a topic that is impacting all the couples out there. And it's something that needs more attention, I think.

Brianna: 19:32

If you bring awareness and understanding to it, you can actually save relationships because you're not just reacting impulsively or reacting emotionally, which is a part of ADHD that is often overlooked. And if you're not receiving that support and understanding in your relationship, it's actually going to fall apart due to poor communication.

Melissa: 19:50

Evlogi for men out there starting on their journey. Maybe they were just diagnosed or they've been in emotional flux about admitting to themselves that they have ADHD. Where do they start if they want to take that journey of self-discovery, where do they start?

Evlogi: 20:06

Interesting topic. I think there is no one way answer to this. But first, it depends what they want to do with themselves and where they feel in life currently. And my advice if there is trauma, please address your trauma to stop the pain, heal the pain and get to know yourself and all your triggers so you know how to manage them. But on the side, I will start with learning everything about ADHD and finding how my ADHD translates into life, Because every ADHD might be different. We might have all the symptoms, but everybody is unique.

Melissa: 20:46

My ADHD gene carrier is my father. I've seen how much he's struggled emotionally with it. I see it in his face. It seems like a lifelong struggle with impulsivity, with dealing with his own depression, with his internal demons, and even struggling with allowing himself to be and to be with a separate from what his family expects of him, what society expects of him. Yeah, it's painful to watch sometimes because you can see he's upset with himself but he doesn't know where to start.

Evlogi: 21:22

He doesn't know what to do with it. Yeah, yeah. And here comes the important part of the emotions. When we have men with ADHD and neurotypical men because neurotypical men can function that way they will not show their emotions and they will feel good, like they will feel okay with this. Because in the gym I can see many examples. I train with some neurotypical athletes. They're like machines. They don't have those emotions. Yeah, everybody has emotions, but they are well managed.

Evlogi: 21:49

While I'm dysregulated from time to time, this emotional dysregulation is something really huge and when you are not aligned, where you're not balanced, you might not achieve the results that you planned. Just from day to day life, or when you have executive dysfunction, you might have all the goals but somehow you will get sidetracked somewhere and you will be like, yeah, I have the intention of achieving those goals, but what happened? Neurotypical athletes are like a machine. They achieve everything and are moving forward. Please don't compare with neurotypicals. Forward, please don't compare with neurotypicals. There is no need of this. We are neurodivergent and one of the important parts is to accept yourself as you are, with your limits, embrace your limits, but also tap into your strengths because they might be something amazing and you can achieve so many things with your strengths.

Brianna: 22:48

I wholeheartedly agree with this, that don't compare yourself to someone you can never be, because your brain is completely different. It is like a different operating system. It's like Windows versus Mac type of thing. You can't be that, but you can be the best version of yourself.

Melissa: 23:06

But flip it. Those neurotypicals can't be you. They don't have the cool things our brains do. They're exceptional at some really important things in life. We have some things that they can look at and go hey, I don't have that.

Brianna: 23:18

I love that reframe, specifically with the exercise example. We have more energy. Just point blank, so we're able to do more faster, where our brains process things faster and differently and things like that. I love that reframe of they can never be us. Yeah, we're cool. It's a great club to be part of.

Evlogi: 23:39

Yeah.

Brianna: 23:40

We talked today about the impact that ADHD has on men. We talked a little bit about hormones impact on on risk-taking and the lives of men and how, like financial risk-taking or decision-making or things, can impact, like just individually, the power of the pause. We talked about, like this holistic treatment of not just addressing one or two ADHD symptoms but actually the whole package of the emotional piece and having that self-compassion for yourself. And we talked about, just like in general, the experiences of men and how to maybe be a little bit better rather than like always having to suffer and struggle and deal with that depression and addiction and actually help yourself.

Melissa: 24:27

Yeah, one thing that just came up while you were saying that is, you're not a slave to your ADHD. You can have control over it, and one of the tools that Avlogi mentioned was the power of the pause. Just take a breath before you make decisions. Avlogi, where can we find you?

Evlogi: 24:41

So I have a website called menbeyondtheversecom and I'm active on social media as well, so everything like Instagram, YouTube. I'm doing some regular videos there, but also you can find me again by typing menbeyondtheverge.

Brianna: 24:59

Menbeyondthevergecom, he's got some really cool YouTube videos. You should go check those out, he is a phenomenal videographer and photographer.

Melissa: 25:06

If you want to see beautiful things, go check out his stuff on YouTube and Instagram Evlogi. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Brianna: 25:13

Nato Link is Evlogi Very helpful. If you're a man with ADHD, we highly recommend checking out his services. He is an ADHD coach.

Melissa: 25:21

If you're not a man, maybe come check us out, or, if you're a man that I was going to say, if you're a man that wants to check us out and I'm like no, that just sounds wrong.

Brianna: 25:31

You can find me. I'm an ADHD coach and intern therapist at understandingadhdca and Melissa you can find me at likemindcoachingcom.

Melissa: 25:42

All right, until next week. Bye-bye.

Evlogi: 25:45

Thank you Bye.

Melissa: 25:47

Thanks for joining us on this episode of Hypercast.

Brianna: 25:50

If you've enjoyed today's episode and want to stay connected. Be sure to rate and subscribe, and check out the show notes for links to our social media and websites, whether you're seeking practical tips, heartfelt stories or just a sense of community.

Melissa: 26:02

Hypercast is here for you.

Brianna: 26:04

Remember you're not alone in your ADHD journey. Together we can navigate the highs and lows with courage and compassion.

Melissa: 26:10

So until next time, take care, stay curious and keep embracing your unique neurodiversity. Catch you on the next episode of Hypercast. What's your favorite thing about having ADHD?

Evlogi: 26:23

Maybe, let's say, colorful personality, that you're not like linear, linear, but actually you're very unpredictable. Sometimes you don't know how you will react. Even though you know yourself, you're not sure what will happen yeah you're like colorful, a palette of colors. So yeah,