Feeling Overwhelmed? Here's How To Reset Your ADHD Systems

Struggling to keep your ADHD systems on track? Learn how to reset and thrive after breakdowns! ADHD systems break—it's inevitable. In this episode of Hypercast: An ADHD Podcast, Melissa and Brianna share personal stories and strategies for rebuilding after burnout. Discover practical tips to regain balance, prioritize self-care, and work with your ADHD brain, not against it.

Key Takeaways:

-Why ADHD systems fail and how to notice the warning signs.
-Simple self-care habits that make a big difference.
-Tools and strategies to rebuild systems that work for you.

🔔 Subscribe for weekly insights and ADHD support! Click the bell to never miss an episode.
📖 Share your system tips or challenges in the comments—we'd love to hear from you!

🔗 Stay Connected with Us!
🌐 Website: https://www.hypercastpod.com
📺 Subscribe to our YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsr6u7RnlnuZUYxysCe1c3w
📸 Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hypercast.podcast
🌐 Melissa’s ADHD Services: https://www.likemindcoaching.com
🌐 Brianna’s ADHD Services: https://www.understandingadhd.ca

🔗 Links to Things Mentioned in This Episode
Planner Pad – Funnel System for Organization
https://amzn.to/40pUkoo
Trello – Visual Organization Tool
https://trello.com/
The Sims – Game
https://www.ea.com/games/the-sims


💬 Don't Forget to:
👍 Like this video if you found it helpful.
💬 Comment below with your thoughts on today’s topic: What are your go-to strategies when your systems fail?
🔔 Subscribe and hit the notification bell for more ADHD insights and support!

💸 Affiliate Disclaimer
Some of the links provided in this description may be affiliate links. If you click on these links and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. This helps support the podcast and allows us to continue creating valuable content. Thank you for your support!

Melissa's Contact:
Email: melissa@likemindcoaching.com
www.likemindcoaching.com

Brianna's Contact:
Email: info@understandingadhd.ca
www.understandingADHD.ca

Follow Us On Instagram

Transcript

[00:00:00] Melissa: we were talking about being stressed. We were talking about being overwhelmed. 

[00:00:04] Brianna: this

[00:00:05] Brianna: episode of Hypercast is structured complaining. This is how you sold it to me, and I will be doing so for the entire episode. Thank you for your time. 

[00:00:13] Melissa: Oh, yeah. 

[00:00:14] Brianna: welcome to Hypercast. Welcome to Hypercast.

[00:00:16] Melissa: the theme of today is when your systems break down, this is something off screen. Brianna and I have been both struggling with 

[00:00:27] Brianna: Have your systems ever broken down, Melissa?

[00:00:30] Brianna: Mine imploded in a fiery ball. now left with the ashes. 

[00:00:35] Melissa AI: oh yeah, I feel like my systems are always breaking down , but Brianna, you have been specifically frustrated.been going on?

[00:00:42] Brianna: 

[00:00:42] Brianna: okay, so it's transitions. It's always transitions. Transitions is the worst of my ADHD symptoms in my opinion. like the emotion dysregulation that comes from transitioning, 

[00:00:51] Brianna: I recently moved to a new old country. Moved back to Canada. I am in Canada once again. all of my systems that I had developed and built are now not available to me, and I must rebuild them. without the structure in my life, my work life balance has also imploded. 

[00:01:12] Melissa: there are so many things that I have on my plate and when I don't have a place for them to go in a day of the week or a time, or at least an attempt at that, they'll take over.

[00:01:26] Melissa: A whole day

[00:01:27] Melissa: and

[00:01:27] Brianna: 

[00:01:28] Melissa: If I'm not setting boundaries for myself, I am setting myself up for failure. Utilizing hyperfocus is great, but when it is taking over your life and you've put no boundaries on it, it becomes detrimental to your health.

[00:01:43] Melissa: And that's a place where I feel like I'm at. 

[00:01:45] Brianna: if you don't put your own oxygen mask on first. before helping others. So if you're wanting to work towards a future goal or something, and that's all that you're doing, you're not actually, eating or sleeping or doing any of the other things, then you're going to burn out.

[00:01:59] Brianna: on an airplane, you're going to die because you didn't put your own oxygen mask on first. 

[00:02:03] Brianna: 

[00:02:03] Melissa: and if you're flying the plane, because you're the pilot of that adventure, then well, The whole thing's going down with you. So you're not going to reach that goal. 

[00:02:11] Brianna: physically you need to take care of yourself. Emotionally, you need to take care of yourself and then you can start to work on your goals after that. And like you, I also got stuck in that. I have so much work to do. The deadlines are right here. I don't have time to have time to think about what systems I need to put in place that will make it easier for me to do these things.

[00:02:31] Brianna: so I'm just suffering. 

[00:02:32] Melissa: it's easy for us to get off track and to forget the things that really work for us. And it's also hard to plan. 

[00:02:40] Melissa: We're both ADHD coaches, we know how important the systems are, we help people set them up. yet, when you're in a destroyed system, it is so hard to access the tools you need I, imploded and then I couldn't remember what systems worked for me.

[00:02:57] Brianna: I was struggling. I was trying to employ neurotypical tactics like time blocking or setting a general goal. General goals don't work for me. I need very specific goals because otherwise I'm not going to be able to get started on the thing and then I've just wasted a whole bunch of time.

[00:03:10] Brianna: So I was just sitting there floundering being like, Well, what systems worked for me? How do I make them work for me again? The systems that worked for me before no longer work. So I need to invent entirely new systems, but I don't, because you don't have to reinvent the wheel. You can just reach back in your file, but with memory problems, that's hard to do.

[00:03:26] Melissa: Yes. 

[00:03:26] Melissa: I did have to come to grips with the fact that I had to take time I actually needed to take the time to create that system and that meant I had to let go of some of the things I really wanted to get done. 

[00:03:39] Melissa: And I'm still working on implementing it, but I feel like I'm in a better place. And what I don't like feeling is I don't like feeling like I'm drowning. I don't like, feel like I'm feeling like I'm treading water. I like feeling grounded. Like I'm on top of things. like I said before, I want to be able to utilize that hyper focus, but I don't like, Utilizing it when I feel like I'm drowning or treading water.

[00:04:02] Brianna: And it's hard to even get into that hyperfocus state when there's a million things in the back of your mind, My anxiety, which is a result of forgetting things, never lets me forget anything now, But it'll bring up things that I can't accomplish right now, I don't have the tools, they're not ready to handle yet, or are someone else's problem, 

[00:04:20] Brianna: I'm just, like, cycling through things that I have no control over, rather

[00:04:25] Melissa: than handling the things that I do have control over. the first thing that goes is the balance, is the self care, is the pieces that allow you to function. when I was out of structure, I wasn't exercising, I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't allowing myself to either, it was some kind of, like, blame thing of like, oh, I don't deserve to eat because I haven't finished XYZ. You're essentially 

[00:04:50] Melissa: holding yourself hostage.

[00:04:51] Brianna: yeah, because if I had eaten, then I would have had the cognitive ability to complete

[00:04:55] Brianna: X, Y, Z,And I know

[00:04:57] Brianna: that. But when your systems fail, and there's so much pressure on you to, like, keep up,

[00:05:03] Brianna: I've been constantly every day reminding myself that the priority is self care. That is the first thing I should be doing so I have the faculties to be able to complete the things on my to do list.

[00:05:15] Melissa: And that. I feel like it's a daily struggle. 

[00:05:17] Melissa: it's harder for us because ADHD traits and symptoms. And the reason why it's important to talk about is because if your structure fails, You are no longer able to maintain balance in your life, so emotion regulation, physical regulation, any of those things.

[00:05:33] Brianna: your body feels off balance and that feels awful. you're not able to achieve any of your goals because you're off balance and your structures and your systems have failed you.

[00:05:45] Melissa AI: one of the hardest things is that I don't understand that I'm In a place of distress until I'm 

[00:05:52] Brianna: Yep.

[00:05:53] Brianna: That's the alexithymia. we don't feel our own emotions until later or until someone else points them out. Or until we see them mirrored back to us, we're like, Oh, that's what sadness is. Oh, I've been feeling sad. 

[00:06:04] Melissa: I've been feeling stressed and anxious

[00:06:06] Brianna: And

[00:06:06] Brianna: that's why we're structured complaining today, because hopefully through the structured complaining, you might like, in yourself, notice that your systems or your structures have failed. I'm like, no, that does feel bad. And I don't want to continue living like this. 

[00:06:18] Melissa: that emotional piece, like I said, sometimes we don't understand it until we are so deep into it that we're in trouble

[00:06:25] Brianna: I also sometimes ignore it. are so many deadlines and things to do on my plate right now that I'm like, I don't have time to deal with the feelings and to slow down. And so I keep waiting for this mythical, like, when it's over when it's over, I'll slow down, I'll rebalance, I'll actually live the life I want to live I want to exercise because I want to be a fit, healthy person, I want to go out into the mountains, and that's where my joy is, And that part of my personality, that part of my goal, is just completely ignored because my systems have failed, because my structures have failed, which allow me to achieve each of my goals in a variable fashion, I'm now only focusing on one goal, 

[00:07:06] Brianna: the most urgent. To the detriment of myself.

[00:07:08] Brianna: sometimes I really wonder when it comes to that, that I don't have time piece. Is it that we don't have time or we're allowing our time to be filled with things that are unnecessary Have you seen that meme where it's like we all have the same 24 hours in a day,

[00:07:24] Brianna: and it's not true becauseCEOs have assistants and people to handle all the other stuff some of us are managing everything Plus neurodivergence, plus kids, plus work, plus education, if you're dealing with all of that, then no, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day. And even in myself, when I have systems, when my structure is in place, I feel much more on top of my time and much more capable of doing the things that I want to do. And not feeling like I'm drowning in incomplete tasks. 

[00:07:59] Melissa: it's the times when I say to myself, I don't have time to go for a walk or for that workout, or to eat a meal. I really do ask myself, what am I filling my time with that is preventing me from taking care of myself 

[00:08:13] Melissa: I went online to research something. And instead of researching just that I researched like three other things. if I didn't research those three other things that I actually like stayed on task. Maybe I would have eaten lunch 

[00:08:26] Brianna: when that happens, the tendency would be to do that shame, that blame, that guilt thing, where it's like, I don't deserve to eat because I didn't do this thing, or I don't deserve to sleep because I didn't do this thing. AndI got distracted, I hyper focused on something, I went down a rabbit hole, And now I've wasted all this time.

[00:08:42] Brianna: that language around waste, that language around, why am I like this? how come I'm like this? Why can't I be different? Why can't I manage my time effectively? And then you just get into this shame spiral. And I noticed you earlier take a deep breath when I was speaking. And I know that it, related to what you're going through, but those feelings of, why can't it be easier? 

[00:09:05] Melissa: Yeah. Yeah. not that I'm trying to shame myself, there's so often that I just feel like I don't take care of myself and that all these things lead to burnout. I've made a personal goal for myself. To do what's necessary to avoid burnout. when I first met with my new therapist, she asked what my goal for therapy was.

[00:09:22] Melissa: And I was like, well, my goal is to avoid burnout. so that's our primary goal. when we meet, we discuss, how well I'm taking care of myself. having someone. To be accountable to forces me to be very honest. 

[00:09:32] Melissa: And that's, that's hard. 

[00:09:35] Brianna: that's why we're in the profession we're in, right? we want to help others, it's, scary to admit that, but being vulnerable is what allows other people to be vulnerable. And to access the help they need.

[00:09:48] Melissa: Yeah. I mean, were both in this profession because we want to help others because we've been in this position before 

[00:09:53] Brianna: 

[00:09:53] Melissa: we get it, but we also know there's a pathway out. There are tools we can 

[00:09:57] Melissa: use 

[00:09:57] Brianna: from the beginning of my life, my journey, I can absolutely see an improvement in my ability to access my tools to use what I need even in the past four years when structures and systems have failed repeatedly because, the demand on me has increased.

[00:10:14] Brianna: It's not like anything in me changed. I've had to adapt to increased demand, but I, I feel so much more capable of doing that as a result of. years of experience and years of learning and dedicating myself to this profession. I do feel like I'm making progress I don't slip into long periods of depression or anxiety or lack of productivity anymore because I have the ability to recognize much faster when I'm slipping into those things and then how to get myself out of them.

[00:10:46] Melissa: exactly. it's utilizing those coping mechanisms, those tools that we've 

[00:10:49] Melissa: learned along the way 

[00:10:50] Brianna: But the point is, like, practice, because, if I hadn't done any of this work, then I'd still be in that frozen state of, I don't know where to go. I don't know what my next steps are. I am in burnout. I'm not productive. I don't know how to get myself out of this. 

[00:11:03] Brianna: it happens to everyone.

[00:11:04] Brianna: Happens to us. we're living it right now. And we have worked really hard to put our systems back into place. from last week to this week, we are both in much better places in

[00:11:12] Melissa: yeah, absolutely.

[00:11:14] Brianna: I've record these episodes every week and every week I forget that another one is coming out. And I am always shocked when I see the little shorts come up on my phone. Oh yes. Podcasts. I recorded one of those. 

[00:11:26] Brianna: So if you are like me, you can also find us on YouTube, and you should watch us there because you can listen to us at any speed you want. if you hit the bell, you will be reminded when our episodes drop, because I also forget. That our episodes drop every Wednesday. So you should subscribe to us. Click the bell, 

[00:11:41] Melissa: I love that. 

[00:11:42] Melissa: I love that. She's like, I'm on this podcast, but I forget it exists until I get the notification.

[00:11:46] Melissa: Okay. Well, if you're nodding along and going, yes, yes. I too have these struggles. Subscribe, like, join our community. 

[00:11:56] Melissa: I'm a little type a, 

[00:11:58] Brianna: Just

[00:11:58] Brianna: a

[00:11:58] Brianna: little, Melissa. 

[00:11:59] Melissa: I like to make tables and charts and lots of outlines. I put together a workflow sheet for all of my tasks. I follow step by step what I do. I have, Hyperlinks to the places I need to go.

[00:12:10] Melissa: So if I need to send an email I have a link to my email. I have a link to each and every step that prevents me from like going online and forgetting like the direction I'm supposed to go.

[00:12:18] Brianna: What a cool tool that you know about yourself. You're like, I'm going to get distracted if I have to exit this thing. 

[00:12:23] Melissa: I just follow my checklist. like a pilot, a pilot has a checklist before they can take off. 

[00:12:28] Brianna: that checklist is what I was missing and what I had to build for myself again, because life changed, demands changed, the checklist that was previously working for me, where I was like, yes, I feel successful because I've done everything I wanted to do in a day.

[00:12:41] Brianna: That checklist didn't exist anymore. So I had to re assess my goals, Why do I want to be doing this? Why am I working so hard to complete these goals? What is the point of all of these deadlines? what will this get me? as soon as I took the time, To step back and think about the why it made the doing so much easier.

[00:13:00] Brianna: And it allowed me to create the schedule because I couldn't figure that out. trying to figure out what is important versus what is urgent and where to place those things, is a difficulty for people with ADHD, because in our minds, they're all pretty much equal.

[00:13:11] Brianna: So it wasn't necessarily me knowing what was important and what was urgent. It was what aligned with my goals. I was able to step out of the equation and then look at it objectively rather than be in it and that was what allowed me to move forward. 

[00:13:26] Melissa: What kind of tools have you implemented to help you feel a little bit calmer?

[00:13:31] Brianna: Have you ever played The Sims? 

[00:13:32] Melissa: Yes, but I got bored.

[00:13:34] Brianna: in The Sims, your Sim will get very upset, like their mood will go down. one of the ways to fix that is by putting art on the walls. 

[00:13:43] Melissa: That's funny. 

[00:13:44] Brianna: if they're in a really boring, ugly environment, they get really upset. when I realized that was happening to me, 

[00:13:51] Brianna: I moved to a new place and we haven't managed to put the art up on the walls yet and also there's less access to outside, the weather is colder, and I'm now in a city. So I have to drive if I want to go into nature. I noticed that has had such a significant impact on my mental health and well being.

[00:14:07] Brianna: It has increased my levels of stress and anxiety, which has made everything else in my system and structure. So I put some art on my walls, and I feel better. 

[00:14:15] Melissa: 

[00:14:15] Melissa: don't you hate it when someone proves like a theory that frustrates you, 

[00:14:19] Brianna: That was the thing that bothered me about it, because I was like, I did this.

[00:14:23] Brianna: I proved it. And then I forgot. 

[00:14:26] Melissa: You prove 

[00:14:27] Melissa: 

[00:14:27] Melissa: that healthy habits make you feel better. Oh my 

[00:14:30] Melissa: God. 

[00:14:31] Brianna: productive. more able to manage my structure. And more able to be productive. it all starts with the basics. Literally.

[00:14:37] Melissa: that's kind of what I was trying to get to before is that, there's times when I just keep grinding and I'm not taking care of myself. I'm actually more productive when I do take care of myself 

[00:14:46] Brianna: What?

[00:14:47] Brianna: Say that that again for

[00:14:48] Brianna: the listeners at home. 

[00:14:49] Brianna: 

[00:14:49] Melissa: I am always more productive when I take care of myself.

[00:14:52] Brianna: You're more productive when you take care of yourself. 

[00:14:55] Melissa: Yes,

[00:14:56] Melissa: but I forget it every day.

[00:14:57] Brianna: Me too. That's why I had post it notes and pictures on my wall and

[00:15:01] Melissa: 

[00:15:01] Melissa: are there any systems or things that you've considered experimenting with that you haven't tried that you're interested in trying?

[00:15:07] Brianna: Great question. I feel like the systems that I have when I use them actually work for me, and every time that I've tried to use another system, I get really frustrated with the learning curve.

[00:15:22] Brianna: So if I can have someone set it up for me and show me how to use it, then it's really great. But if it's complicated it makes me more dysregulated. if my systems are already working, that would be the time for me to try something new. If my systems are broken, that is when I need to rely on something that is familiar to me,

[00:15:41] Melissa: 

[00:15:41] Melissa: whatever makes it easier for you to get from point a to point B is the best system for you.

[00:15:46] Melissa: And that recipe is different for everybody. 

[00:15:49] Brianna: I write stuff down, I have checklists. I like to have a calendar system set up, so I use my calendar. I check that every day. I check my goals every day.

[00:15:59] Brianna: And then anything else that makes it easier or faster or less cognitive work on my end. Absolutely. I'm all for it.

[00:16:06] Melissa AI: if there's a product I've used, that is. Helpful, I think 2 things that have been helpful are a modified version of bullet journaling that I use and something called the planner pad, which has been around for like 40 years. it's a funnel system.

[00:16:20] Melissa AI: So it starts with your projects and then you break your projects into tiny bitsThen the next part down is to your to do list for the day. And then the part under that is your schedule for the day. I use it as like a visual representation of what I may have space and time for

[00:16:34] Brianna: Yeah. That's why I like

[00:16:34] Brianna: my calendar because I can see how long tasks are gonna take, I like to visually see when I'm free versus when I'm busy,there's this website called Trello, which is basically like to do cards and you can move them around You can share with other people

[00:16:49] Brianna: I find it really helpful to separate, adulting daily life tasks, like finances or buying groceries, school tasks, work tasks, and then also I've added personal care tasks, which my neurotypical partner thinks is insane. He's like, why do you have shower on your to do list?

[00:17:01] Brianna: I was like, because I'll forget otherwise, thank you.

[00:17:04] Brianna: Like, it's on the to do list for a reason.

[00:17:06] Brianna: I know some people who love digital systems, and then some people can't do tech. Like, even a digital calendar, they're like, I need a calendar on my wall. Like, I need to write it down, 

[00:17:16] Melissa: I use a Google calendar, but solely because the reminders make sure I get to where I need to be.

[00:17:22] Brianna: Reminders should always be a part of every ADHD

[00:17:25] Brianna: system. 

[00:17:25] Melissa: But when it comes to actually planning my time, I need a, a physical calendar. there's something about the, like, interaction with it 

[00:17:32] Melissa: there's a really important part of when it comes to planning our lives out that we don't talk about enough. And that is taking the time to assess what to get rid of, 

[00:17:42] Brianna: That is so

[00:17:44] Brianna: hard. Because first of all, that's like decision making, which our brains are bad at. It's also prioritizing, which our brains are bad at, and time, which our brains are bad at. So tell me how you do it, please.

[00:17:55] Melissa: doing it in the moment is never the time to do it. 

[00:17:58] Brianna: No,

[00:17:58] Brianna: because you're already

[00:17:59] Brianna: dysregulated and you're already

[00:18:00] Brianna: suffering.

[00:18:01] Melissa: how often do you ask yourself, do I need to Do this 

[00:18:04] Melissa: Do I need to move this forward? 

[00:18:06] Melissa: how do I get it off my list?

[00:18:08] Brianna: Never.

[00:18:09] Melissa: for a lot of us, things that are on that list become emotional, like just these emotional rocks that weigh us down.

[00:18:16] Melissa: And I feel guilty the longer it's sitting there on my list, right? so sowhy have that guilt? Why not take the time to

[00:18:24] Melissa: reevaluate? 

[00:18:25] Brianna: I realize that I do that but without the emotional benefit of it, I never take the time to sit there and think, do I need to do this? And then give myself permission to not do it and feel good about that. I just write the schedule for the next day and I leave it off. Cause I'm like, this didn't happen today. I've actually reevaluated it. It's not important. So it no longer sits like a rock on my schedule I need to do this But I haven't taken that extra step and felt not bad about it. And actually felt good about, Hey, even though I took this off my list, that should still be a check Mark because I made the decision that this isn't important. 

[00:19:03] Melissa: it's not always about doing it. It's about fulfilling the need in your life. often as coaches, we talk about if things have value or if they're still giving you something in your life if it's not serving you right now, why is it on your list?

[00:19:16] Brianna: Yeah. 

[00:19:17] Brianna: coping mechanisms, right? every coping mechanism you have served you, it's served a purpose of protected you from whatever was going on in your life at that time. If you're now in a better place, it no longer serves you.

[00:19:27] Brianna: taking the time to think about what in your system, what in your structure, what in your life no longer serves you is a great way to go about like saving yourself time, energy, effort. Right, and allowing that space for more productivity, for more balance, for more joy, even. 

[00:19:45] Melissa: what blocks are we putting in our own paths that are preventing us from getting to our ultimate goal.

[00:19:50] Brianna: I spend so much time assessing barriers for other people, and I always forget to assess my own barriers.

[00:19:57] Melissa: isn't that funny?

[00:19:58] Brianna: Well, yeah, that's the thing, right? We're always gonna be able to see other people rather than ourselves, like that external perspective. another pro tip is take a step back and pretend you're your own friend. what advice would you give? And how would you help them out of their rut or their burnout or whatever they're stuck in, 

[00:20:13] Melissa: And if you're struggling with that, you can actually, go to chat, GBT and be like, Hey, can you be my friend right now? I just wanted to have a chat.

[00:20:20] Brianna: Chat GPT, an actual friend, yourself in the mirror, an ADHD coach or therapist. at the end of the day for me, for example, like, I always want to chat about what I did that day, what I still need to do tomorrow and what needs to be done in the next, like the rest of the week.

[00:20:36] Brianna: It annoys my partner to no end because they just want to relax and not think about it. And I'm like, I need to think about it because I need to know what's happening next. 

[00:20:43] Melissa: but it's actually good that your partner is hearing you process it because 

[00:20:48] Melissa: they can support you. 

[00:20:49] Melissa: partners or like working with neurotypicals, right? If it's the yin and yang, if you're really good at one thing and struggle with another, and they're really good at that thing and struggle with something else, it doesn't matter. Fairness isn't about, oh, I've done this, so you have to do this.

[00:21:03] Brianna: that person, it takes them five minutes. For me, it takes an hour. I struggle, I suffer, I don't want to be doing it where it takes you five minutes and it's not that hard. So that is always your job. Because that is what a partnership is. 

[00:21:14] Melissa: Yeah. And there's things that I'm sure for you and for me, there are things that I find very easy 

[00:21:20] Brianna: partner struggles with.

[00:21:21] Brianna: And then that's always my job. Yeah.

[00:21:23] Melissa AI: in order to make it to a goal, we often need to reverse engineer, 

[00:21:27] Brianna: The like reverse time engineering thing. I love that. And that is one of my systems. for example, I'm going to the opera tonight

 7. 30, but we have to pick up our tickets in advance, so we have to be there by 7 to make sure we have time to get there. It takes a half an hour to get there, so we have to leave by 6. 30. It'll take us, like, a half an hour to get ready, so we have to start getting ready by 6. 00.

Realistically, I should give myself a little bit more time, because I might get distracted, so I have to start by 5. 30, which means we need to eat dinner. That'll take me half an hour. Oh, no, it actually takes me an hour, so we need to start dinner by 4. 30. We just start cooking it, so like,, 

[00:21:52] Brianna: 7. 30 is the time of the thing, but I have gone all the way back to 4. 30,

[00:21:57] Melissa: It's exhausting but

[00:21:58] Brianna: 

[00:21:58] Melissa: it works. 

[00:21:59] Brianna: And,

[00:22:00] Brianna: and that's how we avoid being late to things or missing out on things,it is a system that works for us, and I highly recommend it to anyone with ADHD, 

[00:22:08] Brianna: 

[00:22:08] Melissa: Are you feeling more hopeful now? 

[00:22:09] Brianna: I know you joke that I pitched this to you as structured complaining,

[00:22:14] Brianna: and I feel so much better. 

[00:22:15] Melissa: It's good to process it. It's good to talk about it if you and I are going through this right now, I know almost all of us have gone through this.

[00:22:21] Melissa: it's just nice to know that we're not alone, 

[00:22:23] Brianna: We want to feel good about our lives.

[00:22:25] Brianna: Everyone has goals they want to achieve. if you don't take care of yourself, if you don't have the system set in place, anything that happens can disrupt your system. so back to basics. Take care of yourself first. Think about what needs to be done and what can be let go of. if you need help prioritizing, there are tools out there. work with your brain rather than against it. if your systems have failed due to unforeseen circumstances, don't just keep bashing your head against the wall.

[00:22:53] Brianna: Take a step back. Do some self care. Which is said all the time, and it is so hard. Like, I'm actively acknowledging and validating right now that when you are in the shit storm, it is so hard to take a

[00:23:06] Brianna: step back and do self care. sometimes I need a reminder, most of the time I need a reminder, and I need someone to model kindness for me first before I can get myself back on the tracks. 

[00:23:15] Melissa: when you're stuck in the shit storm, when you have that feeling,you need to stop, I have to tell myself this every time I get overwhelmed, I'm fully dysregulated. I'm having a meltdown step away, step away, breathe.

[00:23:30] Melissa: checklist it? how are you feeling emotionally? How are you feeling physically? Have you gone to the bathroom? have you had food? Have you had water? have you gone outside? 

[00:23:37] Brianna: Okay, so, um,

[00:23:39] Brianna: when I'm in the shitstorm, I cannot remember that checklist. I have that printed out

[00:23:43] Melissa: Ah, yes.

[00:23:44] Brianna: Physically on my wall. I can visually see this

[00:23:47] Brianna: because when I'm in the shitstorm, I can't My brain is just buzzing with panic.

[00:23:51] Brianna: we are acknowledging and validating right now that just the, oh, self care is so important, do some self care. I hate that. I hate it when people are like, have you been doing enough self care? have you been taking care of yourself? no! Obviously I haven't, Karen! Leave me alone! I'm suffering! 

[00:24:04] Brianna: hate you and I hate everybody and I hate everything. But we are also here to say that same message it is important and you need to do it.

[00:24:11] Melissa: when you are in that place, self care is at its Base core. 

[00:24:16] Brianna: 

[00:24:16] Brianna: it is eat, pee, sleep, shower. 

[00:24:18] Brianna: can I make myself one percent more comfortable right now? we're not aiming for perfection. I had a chicken nugget and I went pee. 1 percent more comfortable. You nailed it.

[00:24:28] Melissa: grab a plate, put what you can on the plate, sit down and nibble on it for like five minutes. and grab a glass of water. 

[00:24:33] Brianna: Oh yeah. Water super 

[00:24:34] Brianna: important. I

[00:24:35] Brianna: always forget about water. 

[00:24:36] Melissa: is it on your list? Like, is now. 

[00:24:38] Melissa: water.

[00:24:39] Brianna: Shower was on my list, and I was like, that's water!

[00:24:41] Brianna: So like, the list has to be hyper specific. 

[00:24:44] Brianna: not just like, food, but like, eat food, drink water. 

[00:24:47] Melissa: Why? Because as we are demonstrating here, we forget. 

[00:24:50] Brianna: Water, needs to be on my list. Of course it needs to be on my list. 

[00:24:54] Brianna: Systems break. It's inevitable. remove the shame, the guilt, the judgment, because that is wasted energy. That is not something you need in your life. When you are in the , self care is important. 

[00:25:04] Melissa: and we're not judging you, nor should you judge yourself for making. Making sure you're taking care of your base needs. 

[00:25:09] Brianna: Then rebuild your system, use whatever tools you need, work with your brain rather than against it, and eventually it will become easier to rebuild them again. Cause you've had practice rebuilding. 

[00:25:20] Melissa: I have found that I have less tendency towards burnout. or I can see it's coming and I know it's time to 

[00:25:26] Melissa: reevaluate and giving myself the time to do that. that piece you were talking about of it will become easier. 

[00:25:33] Melissa: I'm 

[00:25:33] Brianna: get, yeah,

[00:25:34] Melissa: it's easier to put things back into place.

[00:25:36] Brianna: we get better at noticing. We get better at putting things back into place. So it becomes quicker, but it's never a quick fix, right?rebuilding the systems is always going to be work. It's always going to be a journey and it's never quick, but it can get easier with practice. 

[00:25:54] Melissa: if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with the ones that you love, especially those who are neurodivergent or have ADHD. we'd love to see them here. And if you haven't subscribed yet, please subscribe. 

[00:26:05] Brianna: If

[00:26:06] Brianna: you have any systems that work for you or ways of noticing that your system is breaking, please write that in the comments. 

[00:26:12] Melissa: if you need further assistance, Brianna and I are both ADHD coaches.

[00:26:17] Melissa: I can be found at likemindcoaching. com.

[00:26:21] Brianna: Yes, I can be found at understandingadhd. ca.

[00:26:25] Melissa: 

[00:26:25] Melissa: you for joining us today until next time. Bye.

[00:26:28] Brianna: Bye bye!