Overwhelmed by Your Emotions? ADHD Might Be Why

Ever feel like your emotions hijack your brain? One second you’re fine—then you're spiraling over something as small as someone eating your last frozen waffle.
If you live with ADHD, this emotional rollercoaster isn't just a personality quirk. It's a real, neurological experience—and you’re not alone.

👉 Subscribe to Hypercast for real, relatable ADHD conversations:
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🎙️ In this episode, we explore:
Why emotional dysregulation is so common in ADHD

What’s actually happening in your brain during those explosive moments

Tactics to manage intense emotions—in the moment and over time

How shame, guilt, and internalized judgment make it worse

What emotional self-trust really looks like (and how to rebuild it)

This episode is about understanding what’s happening under the surface—and finding tools that actually make life feel more livable.

👥 Co-Hosts
Melissa Llewellyn Snider
Melissa is an ADHD coach and the Executive Producer of Hypercast. She offers 1-to-1 coaching and corporate education on ADHD and neurodiversity.
🔗 https://likemindcoaching.com

Brianna Morton
Brianna is an ADHD coach and therapist intern. She’s passionate about supporting neurodivergent adults through self-understanding and compassion.
🔗 https://understandingadhd.ca

Melissa's Contact:
Email: melissa@likemindcoaching.com
www.likemindcoaching.com

Brianna's Contact:
Email: info@understandingadhd.ca
www.understandingADHD.ca

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Transcript

Hypercast _ ADHD & Emotion Dysregulation

[00:00:00] Do you ever feel like your emotions hijack your brain? One second, you're fine. The next, you're in a full blown meltdown because somebody ate the last of the waffles you were planning to have for breakfast. Did that happen to you? My in-laws were there. Oh no. Yeah, I probably don't understand like that.

[00:00:18] It's such a big deal because now you have to make a new decision. The thing that you were like gearing yourself up to eat isn't there, like it derails your entire day. They were so sweet about it, but. Everyone kept trying to solve the problem and I was in a full blown meltdown and like, Hey, I don't need you to solve the problem.

[00:00:38] What I really needed right then was a snack. Like 10 minutes to regulate. At least they were interested in solving the problem and like recognized that it was a problem. 'cause I've also experienced the opposite, where it's like, it's just waffles. It's not a big deal. Calm down. You're just like, oh, now you're invalidating me too.

[00:00:55] Oh cool. Thanks. Not only did you ruin my day, you're also an ass. It's [00:01:00] nice when people actually show caring and love. Mm-hmm.

[00:01:02] 

[00:01:03] Brianna: Welcome to Hyper Cast. Hi, I'm Melissa Llewellyn Snider an A DHD coach and educator.

[00:01:07] 

[00:01:07] Brianna: Hi, I'm Brianna Morton and Neuro Affirming Therapist and a DHD coach.

[00:01:12] 

[00:01:12] Melissa: Today's topic is emotion dysregulation, our resident. Awesome. Brianna is going to tell us what emotion dysregulation means.

[00:01:19] Brianna: there's something called the window of tolerance. When you are in this window, you're feeling good, things are going great, Everything is just kind of like you're taking it in your stride.

[00:01:29] Brianna: when you're dysregulated, you are either above the window or below the window, so it's hyper arousal or hypo arousal, hyper would look like. The smallest thing is setting you off tears, anger, like mood swings. hypo is the opposite, where it's kind of like depression.

[00:01:45] Brianna: in that kind of apathy, in that kind of no stimuli is impacting me, nothing is gonna get me moving. Kind of like a shutdown. So meltdown, shut down regulation and dysregulation is anything that's not good.

[00:01:59] Brianna: [00:02:00] so we're looking for that middle ground, that homeostasis, Balance.

[00:02:03] Melissa: balance, 

[00:02:04] Brianna: being overstimulated, being understimulated.

[00:02:06] Melissa: Both can be bad. you know, that's when our coping mechanisms start shutting

[00:02:10] Brianna: Yeah, absolutely. So you lose access to your logical brain, right? The executive dysfunction piece where the frontal lobe isn't working, decision making, all of that, you lose access to when you are emotionally dysregulated.

[00:02:22] Melissa: in my case with the waffles, I melted down a little bit and needed a few minutes before I could make a logical shift to a different breakfast.

[00:02:30] Brianna: what you were doing was regulating in that moment. you became dysregulated because something happened that was beyond your tolerance, beyond that window of tolerance that shot you up and then you had to come back down. once you were back in your window, you were able to make a logical decision.

[00:02:45] Brianna: but as you were saying, when you were up there. No solutions. Nothing was coming in. You were just in a state, and before you could solve the problem, you needed to calm down.

[00:02:54] Melissa: it was kind of embarrassing because. were there. I didn't want to act like a 3-year-old around them, but [00:03:00] I ended up sitting on the floor and crying 

[00:03:01] Melissa: yeah, but it is so embarrassing, like that concept of not being able to regulate your emotions. Women have been told for generations that they're emotional, and it's seen as this bad thing. And like in the same vein as like infantilizing autistic individuals for having meltdowns in public, we're expected to be able to control them.

[00:03:20] Brianna: We're expected to have them at convenient times, and that's just not the case.

[00:03:24] Melissa: Yeah. now I know that's a possibility. If my blood sugar's low, maybe that is,

[00:03:28] Melissa: a consequence

[00:03:29] Melissa: of me not properly caring for

[00:03:31] Brianna: There are contributing factors, right? the window of tolerance isn't static. neurotypicals would have generally have a larger window of tolerance, like they could experience more discomfort before getting dysregulated in the same way, like if we've taken care of our hunger, our bathroom needs, our thirst, like anything that is going on physically with you, if that has been taken care of, you are more able to tolerate stimuli.

[00:03:54] Brianna: if. You aren't taking care of yourself. Your window of tolerance is going to be very, very small, and you're gonna become very dysregulated, [00:04:00] very easily,

[00:04:01] Melissa: most of us with a DHD know that our emotions can be kind of intense sometimes.

[00:04:05] Brianna: or sometimes

[00:04:07] Melissa: Sometimes all the time. they fluctuate throughout the day. We can have intense reactions to things. 

[00:04:11] Brianna: our emotions fluctuate wildly quickly. 

[00:04:14] Melissa: our emotional dysregulation is a result of our brains being different.

[00:04:18] Brianna: many medical and mental health professionals emotion dysregulation. A big piece of having a DHD, even though it's notYeah.

[00:04:27] Melissa: recognized by the DSM.

[00:04:28] Brianna: especially in women, it is often misdiagnosed as bipolar or PMS or PMDD or. Um, even some form of psychosis, borderline personality disorder before they'll understand that it's an autism or an A DH ADHD diagnosis

[00:04:43] Melissa: Oh,

[00:04:43] Brianna: because there is a lack of understanding of that emotion regulation piece.

[00:04:47] 

[00:04:48] Melissa: going back to my example of having that meltdown in front of people that I know love and care about me, they may not have understood in the moment what was happening. these intense moments of emotion dysregulation may cause [00:05:00] some issues with relationships and the people around you,

[00:05:03] Brianna: Absolutely.

[00:05:03] Brianna: whether that's your home life or even work life, Yeah, did you feel safe in that moment?

[00:05:08] Melissa: I probably did feel safe in that moment because I was around people who cared about me and loved me,

[00:05:13] Brianna: Absolutely.

[00:05:13] Melissa: I feel like there's times when I have been dysregulated in public where I've just gotta swallow it and I've gotta deal with it fist clenching and breathing through it.

[00:05:22] Melissa: So if you're in a situation where you're not safe, where you're not with people that understand and love you and can take care of you and help you regulate, you're just gonna stay in that dysregulated state, which, if you like, are talking about relationships, especially with work or with friends, maybe even partners who don't understand, then you're just gonna stay dysregulated and it's gonna get worse and worse until you finally have no more control over it, and you will melt down.

[00:05:47] Brianna: And there could be consequences, like you could be fired or you could lose a friend.

[00:05:50] Melissa: I'm thinking about like, under stimulation. if you're understimulated sometimes, like you'll even maybe pick a fight

[00:05:55] Brianna: Oh yeah.

[00:05:57] Melissa: that in itself can start causing [00:06:00] rifts in relationships.

[00:06:01] Brianna: let's talk about that for a second. when I said you lose access to your coping mechanisms, you lose access to your healthy coping mechanisms, right? So your logical brain, the ability for you to use like calming techniques, mindfulness, whatever's in your toolkit, you lose access to those things and you revert back to those maladaptive ones.

[00:06:18] Brianna: So like you said, picking a fight, As we know, boredom physically feels painful for us. I'm sure everyone's experienced that, where you're so bored that you physically are in pain You can start to pick fights. You can start to self-harm.

[00:06:32] Brianna: You can start to make reckless or impulsive decisions. Anything to try and get you out of that, hypo stimulation situation. Overeating is another common one.

[00:06:43] Melissa: finding a way to seek that dopamine

[00:06:45] Brianna: Yeah, absolutely. if you are picking fights with your partner or with your friends in order to feel regulated, that's going to cause rifts in your relationship. Surprise,

[00:06:58] 

[00:06:59] Brianna: Pausing to recognize [00:07:00] when something's just off what can you do to address thatYeah.

[00:07:03] Melissa: am my board, can I do something to change that?

[00:07:05] Brianna: so this is where like a DOPA menu is really helpful for when you're understimulated and you can't decide. decision making capacity is gone when you're hypo aroused. So having a menu of predetermined options for you to pick from or even like roll a dye, flip a coin, whatever, just something that's pre-read for you to do, to get you out of that.

[00:07:24] Brianna: Place, setting up healthy coping mechanisms that you can access regularly if you're hyper aroused, setting up exercise or something to like burn off some of that energy so you can then become regulated again because both ways aren't good, 

[00:07:37] Brianna: you might be super productive in your hyper arousal state, but you're gonna get. mad anxiety, you could get heart palpitations. there are physical things that happen if you exist in hyper arousal for too long. In the same way that hypoarousal can also cause physical things.

[00:07:51] Melissa: I.

[00:07:52] Melissa: Communicating that to people around us can be really hard when we feel like our logic is going away, it's

[00:07:57] Brianna: Yes.

[00:07:58] Melissa: communicate to others around us that something's [00:08:00] wrong.

[00:08:00] Brianna: Communication also goes away when you're outside of your window of tolerance. Yeah, like I'm, everything leaves you. You lose skills, So pre communicating that with friends, partners, even if it's at work. Having a quiet space, communicating that with your boss, be like, I just need five minutes.

[00:08:15] Brianna: Just being able to separate yourself and then come back when you feel ready is so helpful. 

[00:08:20] Melissa: having a canned response, like, can I have five minutes? Or even just, let me use the restroom. if you need to separate yourself or even having like a signal, 

[00:08:27] Brianna: a safe word with, your loved ones.

[00:08:29] Brianna: Yeah, absolutely. And if you're in a loving, caring relationship, partners tend to see this over time and can actually warn us of signs before we shut down. They're like, Hey, like you seem to be panicked. Let's get you to someplace calm. 

[00:08:43] Brianna: if you yourself can't recognize it yet, use external resources and then learn that skill over time to hopefully avoid the shutdown or the meltdown before it happens. That's the goal, right?

[00:08:55] Melissa: my partner understands this and says that he's conceit in my eyes.

[00:08:59] Brianna: Mm-hmm.

[00:08:59] Melissa: [00:09:00] it's nice that someone is at least reminding

[00:09:01] Brianna: Yeah,

[00:09:02] Brianna: I have an option to just take a breath absolutely. 

[00:09:06] Melissa: I wanna bring up a point here that hopefully you'll have some thoughts on. as adults, we have access to communication. We have access to our own decision making, our own lives, so we can set up our lives in ways that allow us to not experience that kind of overstimulation or under stimulation.

[00:09:25] Brianna: Most of the time, right? Like we have more control over our lives and ourselves, so we can choose what kind of clothing we're wearing. We can choose what to eat, we can choose when to eat, that type of thing. And so all of those myths about autism and DHD, where it's like, oh, you don't present like you have autism or DHD because you're not like a five-year-old boy fidgeting or screaming in a classroom.

[00:09:45] Melissa: Yeah.

[00:09:46] Brianna: Makes a lot of sense now, doesn't it? Because we now have the ability to control our environments and stay regulated, whereas a child might not have access to those choices or those freedoms. 

[00:09:57] Melissa: or the awareness or the [00:10:00] skill.

[00:10:00] Brianna: Yeah, so it's like hope for the audience. It's definitely something that you can build and grow and learn those skills and develop these abilities. But it also. Revolves around how much you can control your environment, which is why a lot of people have safe spaces. like I feel safer when I'm in my home.

[00:10:18] Brianna: if I'm out in public, I have to be more prepared, like bringing headphones or snacks or something because I know that I have less control over an external environment. Does that make sense?

[00:10:29] Brianna: Yeah. my bag is usually packed with Headphones, earbuds, snacks, water, anything that I know may push me in a direction that makes me uncomfortable. I try to prepare myself to deal with that Exactly, that's a part of remaining emotionally regulated and avoiding that dysregulation.

[00:10:47] Melissa: what can we do to start, growing that arsenal of tools, that toolbox of tools to become better prepared when we find ourselves in a situation where we are dysregulated.

[00:10:59] Brianna: [00:11:00] we talked a little bit already about coping mechanisms for when you lose access to them. So like pre communicating with people, setting up a code word, preparing for adventures out where you might not be in a safe space and you have to regulate more quickly, in kind of an emergency type way rather than melting down or shutting down in public.

[00:11:19] Brianna: what do you put in your emergency kit? You talked about headphones, you talked about water, you talked about snacks as fidget toys.

[00:11:24] Brianna: I'll have things like duct tape I'm always afraid that something's gonna break or my clothes will like be weird. I have like a safety pin, anything that would cause me discomfort. Yeah, like a hair tie is another really good one. sunglasses for in case it gets too bright. That's another good one. it's kind of anxiety, but it's more so preparedness, which is why sometimes therapists get it confused, like, oh, you're just anxious. Like, no, I'm hyper prepared because I know that if I encounter one of these situations, I'm going to go into, meltdown or shutdown, which is actually a really uncomfortable experience in my body.

[00:11:55] Melissa: I would rather have a bandaid in my bag in case I get a blister on my foot that's annoying the crap out of [00:12:00] me

[00:12:00] Brianna: Exactly.

[00:12:01] Melissa: meltdown.

[00:12:01] Brianna: Exactly. things like preparedness are really helpful. in terms of noticing when you are about to go into meltdown or shut down, it can be really helpful to notice that in advance 

[00:12:13] Melissa: noticing the things that specifically

[00:12:15] Melissa: bother you? 

[00:12:16] Brianna: finding out what your triggers are. Absolutely. And keeping track of that is a great way to start to notice those things 

[00:12:23] Brianna: if you keep track of it, write it down somewhere. Even if you lose the list it still has become a habit for you to notice. You're like, oh, I need to write that down. something happened to me, this was my trigger, or I'm feeling kind of bad right now.

[00:12:36] Brianna: And then even like chat, GPT can come up with some really helpful coping strategies for like when I'm feeling like this, try this activity until you decide what you like for yourself. 

[00:12:47] Melissa: delegating the decision making to an external source is really helpful.

[00:12:51] Melissa AI: I like to a of the things that work for

[00:12:54] Melissa AI: me.

[00:12:54] Brianna: a running log that I can add to whenever I'm on the go, 

[00:12:58] Brianna: But yeah, this is the DOPA menu [00:13:00] idea that we were talking about. So you have stuff where when you're hyper aroused, when you're about to enter meltdown and hypo aroused, when you're about to enter shutdown,

[00:13:07] Brianna: you may be wondering why we're talking about making a list. Won't you just remember the answer is likely not. With our working memories, we're not good at remembering things. I ended up putting a legal pad over top of my, uh, my planner and I lost it for two weeks, and it threw me off for a whole entire month.

[00:13:27] Melissa: So.

[00:13:28] Brianna: Yes. Don't rely on your poor working memory. 

[00:13:30] Brianna: looking back and reflecting on things, being like, oh, that was a trigger. Or I was in meltdown. Oh, I was in shut down after the fact, can be just as helpful as figuring out beforehand.

[00:13:40] Melissa: It's so easy to like be in the moment and not know what's happening and then go back later and reflect and go, oh, I get it now. It totally makes sense. And that can be, an interaction that you have with a coworker or just feeling out of sorts when you're doing something and just you feel wrong.

[00:13:56] Brianna: Yeah, absolutely. And things like, I am super [00:14:00] thirsty and I didn't notice, or I have to pee and I didn't notice, or I'm super hot or super cold. Like temperature regulation is another thing that. Varies wildly, And so all of those things could be triggering you without you even recognizing that you're being triggered and then all of a sudden you're screaming at your partner 'cause they made a loud noise when they came home and you don't know why.

[00:14:17] Brianna: It's because you're hot, thirsty and you haven't peed or eaten all day, 

[00:14:20] Melissa: hope, what kind of hope do we have?

[00:14:22] Brianna: That is hope. the hope is that as you age, you have more control over your environment and therefore are less likely to enter, meltdown or shut down. And you also have more access to coping mechanisms and the ability to figure out your triggers. And as you are moving through your journey in life, things will become easier to navigate.

[00:14:42] Melissa: as we get older, we would like to think that A DHD gets easier, but it actually gets harder.

[00:14:47] Brianna: Yes.

[00:14:48] Melissa: these tools we're putting in place actually don't just become helpful. They become imperative to making our lives the best that they can be.

[00:14:55] Melissa: The older that we get.

[00:14:57] Brianna: Yeah. if you're a person with a uterus and you're about to enter [00:15:00] perimenopause or menopause, good luck. Your emotion regulation is about to get harder again. but all of the skills that you've developed along the way will help you.

[00:15:09] Melissa: Absolutely. there will be times that our medications may not work as effectively as we would like them if that's. part of our A DHD management and it's nice to have tools to fall back on when things are hard.

[00:15:19] Brianna: Yeah. medication does actually help with regulation. Like that's what it does. Like it's a stimulant, but it stimulates our brains in a way that allows us to regulate, 

[00:15:30] Melissa: it puts us on a level playing field, especially when it comes to the emotions and being so up or down

[00:15:35] Brianna: So if you are struggling with emotion regulation, Still talk to your doctor. the meds can absolutely help with emotion regulation as well. if you're interested, we're not medical professionals, go see your doctor.

[00:15:45] Brianna: when it comes to motion regulation, and actually. Supporting yourself and finding those tools that work for you. Some things along the way that you may wanna add to that arsenal are things like coaching therapy, mindfulness exercises, that could be [00:16:00] yoga, but that also could be something like guided meditations that could be going for a walk.

[00:16:05] Brianna: as a person who used to hate the word mindfulness and hate yoga, there are ways to do it that works with our brains. Like it's active. You're counting like colors that you can see in the environment. It's anything that brings you back to the present moment, nonjudgmentally. So you're not like, oh, I'm sitting here trying to breathe, and you're like, I'm thinking of a million things. 

[00:16:24] Brianna: There's no judgment for the million things. It's just you're trying to figure out what's going on in your body to help you. recognize when you are dysregulated and then to reregulate.

[00:16:33] Melissa AI: Noticing that you're in your environment. Noticing your body is mindfulness . There's so many people that they're sitting there trying to their minds out and they're like, all I can think about is blanking my mind out. Yeah. Guess what? present. You're

[00:16:47] Brianna: Yeah.

[00:16:48] Melissa: that you're not blinking your mind out.

[00:16:50] 

[00:16:50] Brianna: Honestly, I don't even do it in a super spiritual way. I just go through a checklist. am I thirsty? Do I have to pee? Am I hungry? Am I too hot? I just check in with my body, like is anywhere on my body [00:17:00] clenched or sore right now? unclench your jaw.

[00:17:01] Brianna: Everyone listening, Unclench your jaw.

[00:17:04] 

[00:17:04] Brianna: Any tool that helps you be in the present moment, not be in a state of emotion dysregulation, come back to where you are to access your skills and your tools.

[00:17:13] Melissa: Do it,

[00:17:14] Brianna: Do it.

[00:17:15] 

[00:17:15] Melissa: it always comes back to being aware of yourself, yourself kindness, acceptance, awareness,

[00:17:20] Brianna: 

[00:17:20] Brianna: Are we talking about understanding and acceptance again?

[00:17:23] Melissa: we just need tattoos, I think.

[00:17:25] Yeah, we need like a little like tagline or something. Understanding and acceptance just comes up on the screen 

[00:17:30] 

[00:17:30] Brianna: today we talked about emotion dysregulation. We talked about that there is this window of tolerance where you are regulated, and when you're above it, you're hyper regulated or you're in meltdown, and when you're below it, you're hypo regulated or you're in shutdown. Both of those things are bad.

[00:17:44] Brianna: You wanna be in the middle. 

[00:17:46] Melissa: we also talked about how emotion dysregulation affects our relationships. and the tools we can add to our arsenal and build that toolbox along the way as we grow. look to things like therapy, look to things like coaching, mindfulness, whatever [00:18:00] makes you feel present and. 

[00:18:01] Brianna: regulated. I feel like it's such an 

[00:18:03] Brianna: I know we've, we've used it a lot today, but that's homeostasis balance.

[00:18:08] Melissa: balance,

[00:18:08] Brianna: chill, 

[00:18:09] Brianna: in your like, sympathetic nervous system, parasympathetic rest and digest versus fight or flight, parasympathetic, that's where you wanna be, 

[00:18:17] Melissa: in that fight or flight or faun zone your,

[00:18:20] Brianna: Yeah,

[00:18:20] Melissa: gut shuts down.

[00:18:21] 

[00:18:21] Brianna: Fight flight, fawn and freeze is dysregulated. Rest and digest is regulated. 

[00:18:28] Melissa: like 

[00:18:28] Brianna: There you go.

[00:18:29] 

[00:18:30] Melissa: if you are in need of further a DH ADHD support, you can find me@likemindcoaching.com.

[00:18:36] Brianna: And you can find me@understandingadhd.ca.

[00:18:40] Melissa: Until next time, bye bye.

[00:18:41] Brianna: Bye-bye.

[00:18:42]