ADHD Isn’t Something to Fix—Here’s Why

ADHD isn’t something to fix—it’s something to understand. In this episode, we explore how outdated views of ADHD and neurodiversity have caused harm and why shifting to a neuro-affirming perspective makes a difference. We also discuss a major UK study on ADHD life expectancy and what it reveals about the importance of proper support and acceptance. If you’ve ever felt like ADHD makes you ‘broken,’ this conversation will change the way you see it.

👉 Watch now to see ADHD in a new way.

🎙️ In This Episode:
✅ Why ADHDers aren’t “broken” and never were
✅ The dangers of outdated ADHD treatment approaches
✅ How shifting to a neuro-affirming lens improves lives
✅ The truth about masking, self-acceptance, and mental health professionals

🎧 Meet Your Hosts:

Melissa Llewellyn Snider – ADHD coach, educator, and Executive Producer of Hypercast.  
🌐 Learn more at https://www.likemindcoaching.com

Brianna Morton – ADHD coach, therapist intern, and advocate for neuro-affirming care. 
🌐 Find out more at https://www.understandingadhd.ca

#ADHD #Neurodiversity #YouAreNotBroken #ADHDPodcast #Hypercast

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Melissa's Contact:
Email: melissa@likemindcoaching.com
www.likemindcoaching.com

Brianna's Contact:
Email: info@understandingadhd.ca
www.understandingADHD.ca

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Transcript

ADHD Isn’t Something to Fix—Here’s Why

Brianna: [00:00:00] someone posted a meme saying I am a normal zebra, not a weird horse. 

Essentially what it means is If you treat me as just some kind of lesser version of a neurotypical, like, you could be normal if you didn't have ADHD, if you didn't have autism.

You could be like me. You could be not broken.

Melissa: You mean the way we've treated ADHD and neurodiversity is forever? 

Brianna: Welcome back to Hypercast.

Welcome to Hypercast.

Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa Llewellyn Snyder.

I'm an ADHD coach and educator. 

Brianna: My name is Brianna Morton. I am an ADHD coach and an intern therapist. 

Melissa: we have a really special topic today 

Brianna: I get to tell you about my thesis. 

Melissa: my thesis is essentially neurodivergent people are normal zebras. not weird horses. And if you treat us like weird horses, it's going to have consequences. 

we are not broken. We don't need a cure.

Brianna: What we need is acceptance and understanding.

 why is it important to cover this topic? 

people's perceptions [00:01:00] of us, including our perceptions of ourselves. impact our well being and if people have a perception of us that we are broken, of course, you're going to feel broken and feel awful.

shifting the perspective to create more understanding and acceptance. Should help us feel less broken, which is the whole I am a normal zebra, not a weird horse metaphor, if you treat me like a normal zebra instead of a weird horse, I will feel less broken. 

 I know that everyone listening has experienced that of like, why am I so lazy? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I, do this? And it hurts. It becomes internalized because other people say it to you, you say it to yourself. the whole point of my thesis is, if you start to accept and understand yourself, You will be able to treat yourself like a normal zebra rather than a weird horse and you can demand and expect that treatment from other people as well, because you won't put up with being treated like you're broken anymore. [00:02:00] 

Melissa: one thing I'm wondering is, we've been treating ADHD and neurodiversities in this manner for so long that it's ingrained in a lot of our consciousness.

Brianna: Oh, yeah, not only consciousness, but like medical practice, like standards of practice to treat us in this way, and it is incredibly harmful. 

Melissa: what happens if we don't shift our perspective? What happens if we keep going down this road?

Brianna: Okay, you and I were talking earlier, that study that just came out,

Melissa: Yes. That one.

Brianna: the New York Times had it and PR had an article on it, there was a study done in the UK about, the longevity of the lives of people with ADHD and the findings were that with improper treatment, or if ADHD is left untreated, their life expectancy is about 7 years shorter for men and 9 years shorter for women. the nine years shorter for women kind of astounded me. 

It's absolutely terrifying. If we are undiagnosed or untreated or treated ineffectively, i. e. treated like we are broken and need of a cure or a fix. So if you've ever been to a doctor or therapist [00:03:00] who's like, oh, like, try journaling or if only you could like focus more like anything that you've like, oh, we can, you know, reduce your stimming behavior.

and they're giving you ineffective strategies. That's still going to lead you down the road of all of these comorbid health conditions, the decreased life expectancy. 

trying to treat it with a Band Aid instead of actually taking a deeper look at what the core cause of something that's happening is. 

 Undiagnosed or untreated can lead to a myriad of health conditions And can decrease your lifespan. if you apply this neuro affirming lens, which is the point of my thesis, this neuro affirming lens is acceptance.

It is understanding. Those are the two key tenets if you accept me and my differences and you understand me and my differences, then you will be able to listen to actually provide me the care that I need to treat me in the way that I deserve to be treated. And it's just a basic level of cultural understanding and respect. 

Melissa: the UK study that we're talking about, they give, a list of things that could be [00:04:00] contributing factors to why the ADHD lives could be affected.

be decreased. But if you address these certain things, all of these factors can be mitigated by proper treatment.

Brianna: Mm hmm. 100%. Like, proper treatment can remove some of the risk. 

 what are the consequences, for a professionalif we continue keeping this mentality? 

a mental health professional.

Melissa: like a mental health professional.

Brianna: if you are. a therapist or a doctor or anyone in the mental health field, and you have neurodivergent clients or patients, and they're coming to you, and you are ignoring an entire piece of their identity. ADHD is a culture, disability is a culture, if you're ignoring, cultural competence, and you're treating them differently.

like a strange horse rather than a normal zebra, you can actually cause some of the harms that we've been talking about. 

Melissa: The other thing I see a lot too is that in the States you can go to like your GP take your kid to their pediatrician and 

Melissa: say, I think my kid has ADHD, but if these doctors are not up to [00:05:00] date on the more recent sciences, they are not fully educated on how to treat this disease. They're patients in a way that is neuroaffirming, as you were stating earlier. 

Brianna: what can happen is they can pathologize coping behaviors. So like stimming, if you're fidgeting moving or rocking back and forth, they can try and give you an antipsychotic to try and prevent some of those fidgeting behaviors. We don't need antipsychotics. Stimming is self soothing. We are doing it to calm our nervous systems, to focus, to calm down if we're in an anxiety provoking situation.

by either pathologizing those behaviors or medicating those behaviors, you're actually removing a coping mechanism.

Melissa: And this is not to say that many people with ADHD do not have comorbidities because we do, but it's very important to treat the ADHD as, a primary component 

Brianna: Exactly. another one would be making assumptions about our needs or interests or abilities. for example, if an autistic child comes in and they're like, oh, you must like trains or you must need, a [00:06:00] carer or you'll never be able to be employed. Right. Like that's making assumptions of other needs, abilities and interests.

And what you're doing is limiting their potential, limiting their future ability to get proper care because now they have this like, Oh, I'll never succeed. So why bother trying kind of mentality? 

Melissa: it's such a shame to try to box someone in and give them a path for their entire lives

Brianna: Oh yeah,

Melissa: that doesn't support who they are as a person. how many talents are we missing out on? Because someone's abilities have been squashed when they may have amazing talents that could be offered to the

Brianna: absolutely. Lack of understanding and acceptance being like, Oh, you'll never be employed. Well, they could be if you created a situation in our environment that allowed them to show off their creativity, show off their numeracy skills. A lot of us have a higher intelligence, right?

Just as a part of the diagnosis. And so if you are limiting these people, not these people, if you were [00:07:00] limiting us,

Melissa: Not only are you harming the neurodivergent individual, you're also causing detriment to society. 

 I have, 

I have dysgraphia 

for a long time I was put in lower reading groups, because my, my skills were not, I, they just weren't accommodated. But if you put a computer in front of me with with like Grammarly, I'm a great writer. it's just sometimes my, get my, my letters mixed up and things come out weird 

I feel self-conscious writing on like a whiteboard in front of a bunch of people. So I prepare ahead of time, I know the things that make me feel, uncomfortable and I accommodate around those things, that doesn't mean I'm not intelligent. 

Brianna: Exactly. Well, with that example, let's say you went to a doctor and you're like, Hey, I get anxiety when I have to present. One of them could be like, Oh, well it's because you're dysgraphic and you should just never present in front of people because you can't write and you're a failure.

One of them could say, maybe there are some neurodivergent traits that are impacting that anxiety. what could you do to mitigate that? So you can present in front of [00:08:00] people. So you don't feel as anxious. And obviously you've already gone down that path of I prepare in advance and I do whatever.

But if you went to a neuro normative doctor, he's like, Oh, well, I guess you should just, you know, to reduce distress, to prevent anxiety, you should just not do that thing because you're broken and you can't fix it versus what can we do? To help other people understand and accept you, to help you understand and accept yourself, to help create solutions around this so you can reduce the distress without limiting yourself.

Melissa: And even at the school level, I remember in college I had, anxiety because I had an English teacher that insisted we do handwritten essays. I was fine as long as I had a spell checker with me. even if it was just a spell checker book.

So I can like, like the words in my head, but if I can't get it to come out from my hands, then that makes me feel inadequate. That totally affects my performance. But if I have something there that makes me feel confident that I've got the word and I can verify it.

Brianna: I'm cool. Yeah,

Melissa: yeah,

Brianna: And that is what I'm saying in my thesis, in my career, in my advocacy, this is what I extol, which is, if you have understanding [00:09:00] and acceptance that apply the neuroaffirming lens, Outcomes will be better. Neurodivergent well being will be better. 

It's so easy to just be understanding and accepting rather than pathologizing, right? 

Melissa: you're doing this research. in your educated opinion, what is the ideal world for someone with ADHD to live in? 

Brianna: the answer should be obvious that it's accepting and understanding,in the same way that you can, appreciate other cultures, right? like this culture has really good food, or this culture has really good music, and you don't be like, oh, their music is different from mine.

It's probably broken or not as good, or their food is different from mine. I don't even want to try it. curiosity? I guess just a world where people are willing to. Not make an immediate assumption, there is research that says that there is an automatic bias.

there is something about neurodivergent individuals that makes us less likable to neurotypicals. do you want to guess the [00:10:00] solution to combating this inherent bias?

Melissa: Acceptance, education

Brianna: There's 1. 2 percent acceptance in education. So what they did in the study, there was like videos of neurodivergent individuals and you were supposed to rate them on likability. the neurodivergent individuals were always rated lower. then all of the raters had a, like a five minute video of like, what is autism?

What is ADHD? And then the likeability scores increased and they actually, and they applied it in like real life. Cause this was just a study. They're like, would you actually want to hang out with this person? And in the beginning they're like, no. And then after they had five minutes of education, they're like, yeah, it seems like a pretty cool dude.

And then they brought him in and they hung out, like he applied it to real life. I was like, this is insane. How easy it was to combat.

Melissa: Well, that's the world's acceptance of ADHD But what about self acceptance? in an ideal world What does it look like for us to accept [00:11:00] ourselves?

Brianna: Okay. Here's my ideal world. Child is born neurodivergent. They never. ever are combated with the thought that they could be broken or different or weird because our society is now so accepting and understanding that it never even crosses their mind that they're different or weird or broken. That's my ideal.

Currently that's not the case.

Melissa: Yeah.

Brianna: it would be to surround yourself with people who accept you and understand you then you can live in a way that is authentic and takes care of your well being and doesn't cause any mental distress because you're not trying to be someone different from who you are. 

Melissa: Well, I'm sure there's some people out there 

Brianna: listening to this and thinking, hey, that's great, but I still feel different. I still feel broken. I still feel like I just want to get rid of this ADHD.

Melissa: I mean, I'm not going to lie. There's times when I'm like, the world has too many steps. I just want to not have this thing.

Brianna: 

there's this concept called radical acceptance, where you have to accept some things that feel icky and are bad. [00:12:00] accepting them doesn't mean that they're not icky or bad, it just means that there is less distress as a result of the things you can't change. I don't want to cure ADHD, and I'm not claiming that I can.

I am not claiming that acceptance and understanding will actually fix a lot of the ADHD traits that do still negatively impact our lives. I am saying that if you radically accept them, it reduces the distress level around them. They're still there. They still happen. They still suck, but you're not raging against the machine being like, why?

Oh, why is it always me? 

Melissa: OrI suck because I don't fit

into that box.

Brianna: exactly. So there's a little bit more of the like, I'm different. This is going to be harder for me. And that's okay. 

Melissa: Wow.

Brianna: That's what self acceptance looks like. that's a neuro affirming lens. 

Melissa: one of the things that professionals do to cause harm is if you focus on outcome measures [00:13:00] that. our neuro normative, like this is another way that therapists and mental health professionals can cause harm is that you feel like, hey, you look broken, you're acting broken, let's try and fix that.

Brianna: What it's going to do is cause us to mask and over adapt, and that will cause us to burn out and break down. 

Melissa: mean, that's one of the big problems, right?

Brianna: And it can very easily be addressed with the neuro affirming lens of, hey, that isn't, Broken, that's normal behavior for someone who's neurodivergent, there's no reason to mask or adapt that because we have acceptance and understanding, right? And then that doesn't lead to burnout. 

Melissa: we haven't done an episode on masking yet. masking is one of those things that we all do. Sometimes it can be beneficial, but a lot of times it takes a lot of energy. 

Brianna: The reason why it's beneficial is because it allows us to not be treated as different or broken,

Melissa: Yeah.

Brianna: We're fitting into neurotypical society to get a promotion, to have a healthy relationship. If you're hiding a [00:14:00] portion of yourself, I don't know if that's that healthy, but have a relationship, like there is some benefit of masking.

if there was acceptance and understanding, then there would be no need to mask because it wouldn't come with benefit anymore. 

Melissa: even if it's just the people that you love that are close to you, having the ability to take masks off and be safe around people, that is, 

Brianna: describe that feeling for me and Melissa described that feeling of being your true authentic self, feeling safe. what does that feel like? What does acceptance and understanding feel like? 

Melissa: there's a lot of times when I'm asking that I feel like I'm stuck in that flight or fright. Because there's anxiety. I'm never my true self. I'm never, never relax, being able to take those masks off and be able to relax. 

Brianna: So you're saying that when you are masking, you are unable to effectively regulate your body because you're always in fight or flight.

Melissa: Yeah. 

Brianna: [00:15:00] that there is a lot of mental energy that it's taking. It might even be causing anxiety because you never feel safe.

exactly And, if when you're around safe people who understand and accept you, you were able to take your mask off and reduce that anxiety, reduce the mental energy.

Melissa: It's reducing the amount of shoulds that I should be. living up to. Because when I'm masking, I am creating a list of who I am supposed to be. how can it not be exhausting to try to be a specific person? You can never live up to that if that's not who you are. 

Brianna: So why are you trying to act like a horse when you're a zebra?

Melissa: What?

Brianna: What?

Melissa: am a very awesome zebra, a normal zebra. I am a normal Yes. I 

is acceptance 

Melissa: and understanding. Of yourself 

Brianna: there's this, internet quote of I am not a person with autism. Like, it's not a purse, I can't just put it down this [00:16:00] goes into the debate of, person first versus identity first language. Mental health professionals, the standard is person first, so person with autism, person with ADHD, saying that, you could be a normal person, if only you didn't have this thing, it's supposed to, Put personhood first and be holistic, but it's actually shaming because of the concept of like you could be normal if you didn't have this.

that feels kind of icky for me. cause like ADHD isn't bad or broken, like disability isn't broken or bad. Like, you know, that kind of mentality.

Melissa: Yeah.

Brianna: If you're with a therapist and they're like person with autism or person with ADHD, maybe go find a different therapist because they're not applying the neuro affirming lens.

You and I are professionals. We're entrenched in this. that means I'm constantly, educating myself. I'm educating others. My poor spouse, he's always getting educated himself. But no, hang on not poor spouse, what a lucky spouse you have 

Melissa: recently I asked him, what are the parts [00:17:00] of having ADHD that Are difficult, like from his perspective, but his response to me goes, I don't really see it as like ADHD.

I just see it as you. You are who you are. 

Brianna: I love that. 

Melissa: but for him to be like, this isn't something you have. It's just who you are. I feel blessed to have him had that perspective. You know?

Brianna: Absolutely. 

will say on the flip side, like not to some neurodivergent individuals do not share this perspective. it's probably because you have not had a lot of people who were understanding or accepting in your life. therefore disability, ADHD, autism are all viewed.

As bad things that you want to distance yourself from and so they employ person first language like I'm a person with autism because they want to be seen as a whole person wanting to be seen as a whole person is incredibly valid.

Melissa: Yeah.

Brianna: And what I want from this neuro affirming lens is that acceptance and understanding means you don't have to distance yourself from a part of who you are to be a whole person.

Melissa: right now we're kind of leaning into this [00:18:00] all acceptance piece 

Brianna: this all acceptance piece is important because, we've talked about self acceptance. We've talked about acceptance from others. we've talked about acceptance from the mental health professionals or the medical community With all of that, if you only have self acceptance, you're still going to get discrimination from the outside.

If you only have discrimination from the outside and you're still like, internally stigmatizing yourself, it's not going to help, right? So you need this all encompassing piece. And I guess what I want to talk about is how easy it is. to apply this lens,

Melissa: Yeah.

Brianna: to yourself, to therapeutic practice, to whatever, we've talked about the benefits, right?

So if you apply this lens, there are numerous benefits, and how you apply this lens is really easy. 

Melissa: sounds interesting and it sounds like what you're saying could be easy, but is it really that easy? 

Brianna: I mean, it doesn't,

Melissa: like a perspective shift really, 

Brianna: it is a perspective shift. I will say what I mean by easy is, it doesn't require 20 years of research to develop a new curriculum for [00:19:00] schools or a new therapy modality for neurodivergent individuals. There is no need to spend years researching this or developing something 

we already have the tools and it is just curiosity. patients and curiosity are the tools we need to apply this lens 

Melissa: So how would, a mental health professional apply that curiosity and lens?

Brianna: there is something called case conceptualizations that we do as therapists, which is essentially you come to us with a problem. We're going to figure out why that problem is happening to you. And the various lenses have different. Ways of doing that. So like say you come in, you're like, oh, I'm having problems in my relationship, like a family therapist might be like, oh, that stems from childhood, but a relationship therapist might be like, oh, there could be communication issues or like a CBT therapist might be like, oh, maybe you're having negative thoughts or behaviors or actions.

So the way that you conceptualize it is different. But you can apply the lens to all of those modalities and get a neuroforming conceptualization, a neuroforming goal, and [00:20:00] neuroforming techniques applied, which would then lead to better outcomes. That was a lot of jargon. 

Melissa: Did we say what the, what neuroforming specifically means yet?  

Brianna: the tenet is differences, not deficits. So don't view me as broken. Don't pathologize me. Don't say it's a medical condition or something that could be cured. I am different, not broken. Differences, not deficits. that means acceptance, understanding, and those two things are empowering.

Melissa: how can a mental health professional actively go about making this shift for themselves? 

Brianna: how can therapists use this?

Okay, so, how can therapists apply the neuroaffirming lens? so don't pathologize us, use whatever language it is that we're using. So if we're using identity first versus person first, just match us, super easy. but essentially I have, it's the four C's, continuing education, communication, cultural competence, and choice. 

Melissa: [00:21:00] Ooh. 

Brianna: so, education. Like, just continue to be educated. There's new stuff coming out. Listen to our podcast. 

Melissa: Hey. 

Brianna: So this is what you were talking about earlier. My last thesis was on communication. 

Melissa: communications are important.

Brianna: Neurodivergent and neurotypical people communicate differently. There is a communication barrier, a cross cultural barrier to communication.

Melissa: Yes.

Brianna: neuro affirming lens to communication means not just assuming that our communication is broken, that it is just different and that you need to adapt just as much as we need to adapt and meet in the middle.

So that's next part is like, don't just assume that we don't understand what we're talking about or aren't communicating correctly. Cultural competence. 

this cultural competence piece important because ADHD as culture, disability as culture.

Melissa: it's acceptance and understanding to the point of culture

so not just like, Hey, I'm a person with ADHD or I'm an ADHD individual, but like, I'm part of a community, like there is cultural differences [00:22:00] between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals, and thus that deserves to be respected

I feel that that's a lot of the crux of. 

Brianna: the neurodiversity movement, it's that my brain's not broken, my brain's just different.

Yeah, exactly. So, it's steps. if there is this neuroforming lens that is creating acceptance and understanding, there is the removal of the self stigma. You're like, oh, I'm not broken. And then there's the, oh, I am normal. And then, there's other people like me, and then, celebration of diversity, celebration of difference, celebration of culture, and that is the ultimate place that we're trying to get to, not just, hey, I'm not broken, but, oh my God, I'm awesome,

Melissa: Yeah.

Brianna: my differences make me unique, my differences make me valuable, my differences make me who I am, and that's culture, that's disability acceptance, that's celebration, that's what we're aiming for with all of this.

Melissa: Absolutely. how do I find a mental health practitioner that is neuroaffirming, that is educating [00:23:00] themselves, that will support me in a way that I deserve to be supported. 

Brianna: we have the choice to pick who we want to go see. So in terms of like doctors or mental health professionals, therapists, we can see someone who is neuro affirming, who does understand our differences and can assist us by working with our brains rather than against them.

if you are a mental health professional, you can choose. What techniques, what modalities, like how you help, and you can choose to apply the neuro affirming lens, 

Melissa: Because it's very simple. This is my whole point. It is very simple to just be curious, be patient and try and hear their perspective and understand. 

if I go to a mental health practitioner or professional, are there ways that I can tell that they may not understand neurodiversity or ADHD or may not be as supportive as I need them to be? 

Brianna: Good question. complex answer.

Melissa: anyone who works with queer individuals already has a base level of understanding and acceptance, anyone that works with marginalized [00:24:00] populations already has that base level, anyone who treats someone whose culture is not the dominant culture, you're going to have a better chance with, just because they're really,

may be better at cross culture communication?

Brianna: that's what I'm saying.

Melissa: All right. 

Brianna: And then once you are there, the ways that you can tell in session are again, the language they use. like I can help fix you or don't worry, we're going to fix that problem or, focusing on attention, that kind of thing. But I think the bigger issue is how do you stand up for yourself?

Melissa: Yeah.

Brianna: Because you're already in a position where they are the authority, And you've gone to them for help and you're at their mercy. they're offering solutions and they think they're being helpful. and they're just not being helpful. how do you say Hey, I actually don't think that's helpful or you're not listening to me is very tough.

Melissa: I've had clients that will take literature with them. If they feel like their mental health professional is not listening to them, they'll take well vetted literature to an appointment and say, this is what I'm talking about. it's just something to back them up to help [00:25:00] support and help their doctor understand what they're talking about.

Because some doctors, just because they have a doctor after their name doesn't mean they're fully up to date on. All current studies and literature. 

Brianna: that's part of the problem, which education can help solve is that a lot of mental health professionals, doctors, therapists don't receive any training about neurodivergence at all. maybe medical doctors have like a course on like the medication for it and therapists have a course on the medication for it, but like not really how to, be neuroaffirming.

like there's not a lot of cultural competency training because there is so much other training happening. it's a great disservice that we do to ourselves, our society, but also to our medical professionals by not providing them that training before any other training.

Melissa: it's not just about writing a prescription, it's, it's about the whole person getting to the core of what the problem is. Yeah. like, yeah, I just wish more doctors like ask [00:26:00] questions.

Brianna: aspect of neuroaffirming because if you are Asking questions. If you're demonstrating curiosity, as I've said, you're more likely to be accepting and understanding because all it takes is five minutes of education to remove that implicit bias. 

Melissa: changing the perspective, and even the questions that you ask, changing the way that you approach the neurodivergent or even in your head, like just slight little changes will affect how you interact. 

Brianna: some examples, right? Because we've talked about 

Melissa: the overarching theme of my thesis, which is neuro affirming care, right? be understanding, be accepting, it improves outcomes, some actual examples of how that would work, in therapy specifically, 

Brianna: In family therapy, for example, this is one of the best examples I've come across of a very, very clear cut neuro normative versus neuro affirming goals. a parent comes in, says, Hey, my kid's acting out in school. My kid's, not [00:27:00] behaving at home, Fix my kid. Outcomes from that were not impressive to say the least.

Melissa: What?

Brianna: improved attention and behavior for a short period of time. They kept having to come in for maintenance. We improved their attention span and decreased conflict in the family

Melissa: you're not looking at it long term. 

Brianna: they were using neuro normative outcome measures measuring not on the child's wellbeing, but on if there was a reduction of problematic behaviors. Right? fix my kid. I want them to not be a problem in my life anymore. I want a good kid. Every family therapy that used, Hey, help me understand my kid, insane results, like reduced family conflict, increased wellbeing for the child, improved grades, improved behavior.

more friendships, better play. There were so many improvements that lasted just from the goal. [00:28:00] Like the, the techniques. Pretty much the same. But the goal was instead of fix my kid to help me understand my kid,

Melissa: of course is going to be a greater outcome because. you're not trying to fit your kid into a box if you're a kid who's trying to be shoved into a box that is incredibly frustrating you're never going to feel like you're able to fulfill or become that person that someone else wants you to be and you're going to have your list of shoulds you're never going to meet that criteria you're going to feel awful about yourself of course, how are you going to feel comfortable or happy Nothing is going to make a kid better than for them to be happy.

Brianna: wellbeing should be the goal. if you're a parent bringing your kid in, you're like, I wanna decrease problem behaviors. I want my kid to be happy and healthy.

And what makes you happier and healthier than just being yourself? behavioral analysis. I've talked about it a few times, but one of their, main things is appropriate play. A lot of their goals are neuro normative. And so child with autism lining up their [00:29:00] trains. like just lining them up and the, the therapist will come in and be like, that's not appropriate play.

I'm taking your trains. Like, that's not how you play with a train. You're supposed to move it around the track. just because the behavior is different from typical means that it's wrong or broken. then there's a consequence the toys are taken away and the child goes into a meltdown, 

And then that behavior is punished as well. That is the therapy that encourages masking and is really, really harmful in the long term. if you had neuro affirming approach to that kind of therapy, you wouldn't have even viewed the lining up of the trains as a problematic behavior in the first place. 

you wouldn't have even needed intervention there because there was no problem. 

Melissa: Because at the end of the day, neurodivergent individuals are not a problem. We are just human beings.

Brianna: Thank you! The whole point of my thesis, you know what, you can sum up today. We are not a problem. There is nothing wrong or broken

Melissa: And if we have acceptance and understanding, i. e. applying this neuroaffirming lens, [00:30:00] Wellbeing improves. We are empowered. We can be ourselves. We reduce the decreased life expectancy, all of that improves simply through understanding and acceptance.

And that's, yeah, understanding from the outside world and understanding of ourselves. Happiness us to just be ourselves.

Brianna: what did you get from this? Like, did I explain myself? Well, do you understand what I wanted to say from this

Melissa: what I'm hearing is that can benefit from this perspective change. if society makes simple perspective shifts and not just society, but also mental health professionals 

Brianna: by making these shifts, it actually makes it more welcoming for us to accept ourselves.

Yes, 

Melissa: if society is consistently making us feel broken, of course we're going to feel broken. as you were saying, how do I fix my child? How do I fix this person? That doesn't work. how do I understand this person?

How do I understand my child? And [00:31:00] that's, that's really where the magic is

mental health professionals should be shifting their perspectives in order to ensure that they're fostering. this mentality

Brianna: Yeah.

Melissa: in order to make their patients feel comfortable and help usher them to their happiest and most best selves. There you go.

Brianna: Oh, you were perfect. I did explain it. Well, yeah. Like fixing assumes brokenness.

Melissa: Yes.

Brianna: Acceptance assumes nothing. Like we're, like, we're just normal people.

Melissa: We're just normal people.

Brianna: Minimize harm. 

 minimize harm, maximize benefit, shift. 

Melissa: if you need any further support I'm an ADHD coach and you can find me at likemindcoaching. com.

Brianna: If, if you need a neuroaffirming lens, we are both very neuroaffirming people. you can definitely come see us. you can find me at understandingadhd. ca.

Melissa: thank you so much for listening until next time. Bye. 

Brianna: 

[00:32:00] Bye.